Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML
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Today, my girlfriend got a new tattoo - the Blink-182 logo on her stomach. I wouldn't mind it, except she got pregnant a month ago and I'm pretty sure that it can't good for the baby. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML
Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML
It's not what you think
Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML
Today, my friend told me I'm not welcome in her house anymore. I've spent the last two months painting and doing it up for her, because she's pregnant and couldn't herself. I just finished the job. FML
Late night customers are the worst
Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
You or the both of you?
Today, I celebrated my friend's 5-month sobriety milestone with her by getting absolutely wasted. FML
Bad time for a joke
Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML
Top comments
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Mom of the year right there.
Senseless_487 29
I wonder how many guys she'll drunkenly try to convince are the father.
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Comments (160)
Zmeilerr 22
wow
HowAreYouToday 34
on the bright side she might miscarry
laden_swallow09 34
How is that a bright side?
TheOnlyMizLiv 22
@17 Eh, agree with 16. It would be better than her raising a child.
HowieDoIt 21
16: You'd rather have a child die than possibly have a mediocre mother raising it?
sweetbliss3 37
I think they're saying that if she can't take care of it while it's inside her How is she going to take care of it after it's born.
jessel_ladd92 1
There are always adoption centers and very loving foster families. How could you possibly want an innocent child to die because of a stupid mother?
HowAreYouToday 34
I'm saying that not only will the mother be less than adequate, but the child will most likely be sickly from all the teratogenic substances the moyher ingested. It's better if he wasn't born suffering.
RedPillSucks 31
A mother who smokes/drinks during pregnancy will increase the chances of genetic issues with the baby, but it's not an automatic thing. The predicted horrors of crack/cocaine babies never really materialized as people were predicting in the 80's crack epidemic. Don't automatically condemn the child. I agree with the people advocating for adoption rather than some abortive procedure. Not sure why they're being thumbed down.
Llama_Face89 33
34- frankly, yes. At least the child wouldn't suffer being raised by this woman or end up adding to the already obscenely large number of children in foster homes and orphanages..
rocker_chick105 31
This sounds like an abortion debate
kangx1 28
Before I get thumbed down for being an idiot please let me know why she can't get a tattoo I understand why she can't drink and all.
Casseopeia 21
Depending on where she gets it, the skin will stretch and distort the tattoo.
kaitieloo 22
Obviously when you're pregnant, you shouldn't be drinking because it can induce Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, which is not a good thing at all. As far as the tattoo goes, I think it would have to be something to do with the fact you are basically injecting ink into your skin and possibly your bloodstream. Since a blood supply is shared between mother and child, it's probably not the best idea to do it.
CallMeMcFeelii 13
Getting a tattoo can be really stressful on your body as well. Just think about how your CNS deals with you accidentally getting a cut, now imagine a needle going in and out of your skin at a high RPM for an hour. Don't be afraid to ask questions, it doesn't make you look like an idiot
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Mom of the year right there.
whos_ur_daddy1 19
I feel bad for the future child
RedPillSucks 31
Unfortunately "common knowledge" and "common sense" don't always coincide.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
& ironically, are not that common.
wolfheartmoon 12
My mom did crack while she was pregnant with me. :D Guess who's ****** up?
shjenn 7
That's disgusting. Poor kid :(
Kamon97 23
**** the kids soon to be life :/
SirMichael 13
#82, she obviously doesn't have either.
junkman6 22
All it takes to become a parent is *******. Even plumbers need a certificate. Kind of a sad when you think about it.
loopdydoo 7
Since I can't think of anything original I will insult your unoriginality. This is one of the most overused comments ever
P_M95 8
Award for greatest parent goes to...
HowieDoIt 21
Billy Ray Cyrus?
P_M95 8
lol nice
perdix 29
#28, and Dina Lohan breathes a huge sigh of relief as her "winning" streak ends.
CallMeMcFeelii 13
I know you guys are joking but I actually feel bad for those kids. Living life with creepy mother ******* trying to catch you screwing up. You can't go out and have careless fun because whatever you do is going to end up in that weeks tabloids. The parents aren't the ones to blame, same as the loving supportive parents who raise their kid as great as anyone could, yet their kid turns into a crack addict or shoots up a school. Can you imagine living through life wondering what you did so wrong to have your child turn out like that? It's ******* depressing.
xxrogerthatxx 19
Woww, took a min for the reality of the situation to hit me; that's terrible. Fhchilds life
GenaALazer 22
These kind of people shouldn't be able to reproduce.
kristabelli 19
Eff that baby's life, really...
RavenDesired 10
Is she stupid?
BeccaHugs 17
Yes.
sybyabraham 17
I'm starting to think that's the reason she's pregnant.
vlalam 24
Time to grow up I guess.. She wanted this without even knowing what she was up for???
MidnaLink 33
Might as well. Any other person would do better than a preggo smoker.
Axipiter 24
That's... Not entirely true, 38.
Omfgitsmia 15
Yeah like a pedophile 38?
bella_bunz0415 10
Please tell me she's looking into adoption
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
Adoption won't help if the baby is seriously deformed or dead.
Larry01_fml 19
those kind of people shouldn't be parents
steeledwolf 8
What a fine mother.