Today, I went on my first ever assisted skydive. I fainted after we jumped, and only came to as we touched the ground. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I took my girlfriend skydiving for her birthday. I insisted on joining her to make it a memory for us both, despite my fear of heights. I passed out twice mid-freefall and had to be saved by the instructor both times. FML
Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. I was so scared that I passed out. I was only on the kiddie hill. FML
Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML
Today, I went parasailing for the first time ever. My friends thought it would be funny to pull down my trunks right before my feet left the boat. I dangled there in the air for the whole resort to see. On top of that, I lost my shorts in the ocean. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML
Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML
Today, after being terrified for years, I went on a plane for the first time. It was also the first time I "emergency landed." FML
Today, it was graduation day, and the very first time I was hosting an event. When I got on stage, I stared at the audience for a good 5 seconds, then fainted. FML
Today, while on vacation with my family, I went parasailing. Just as I was about to take off, the wind picked up and I got blown off course. I ended up crashing into a boat and had to be rescued by the coastguard. FML
Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt like I could fly. Seconds later my flight ended. I fell down the stairs. FML
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Top comments
cchan034 23
Good thing it was "assisted"
Eliseopwns 22
Thank god you're not dead.
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Comments (85)
Eliseopwns 22
Thank god you're not dead.
MissA7X 11
Precisely, because then we wouldn't have known what happened!
BreynHope 11
Yes, that's the only reason to praise god that he's alive, for this fml.
PhotoSmith 25
Did anybody read the "assisted" part? It was NOT a solo jump.
jakeydudey 13
The hell are you on about?
DooleyFTW 17
I was going to leave that exact comment, but as an atheist.. I didn't know who to thank that it was an assisted jump.. So I just punched an orphan in the face because atheists are bad people
BauerMegan 31
Why? For the glory of satan of course!
MissA7X 11
Sarcasm 101: Person was in no real predicament. Assisted jump. Calm your pants.
SmelloJello 9
At least you lived through it!
cchan034 23
Good thing it was "assisted"
Enslaved 36
Yes indeed but I believe the first 2-3 jumps must be "assisted". (Strapped to an instructor) Then there's a long course you must complete in order to obtain a sky diving license, which allows you to jump by yourself. I doubt any place will let you jump on your own the very first time and cross their fingers you remember what to do while you're free falling. Even if you don't faint. :P
TheDrifter 23
There are some places (or were a decade ago) that did the course and then solo jumps, but they had the chutes on a rip cord, they deployed as soon as you left the plane, only a second of free fall as it opened, and no input on the part of the jumper.
TheGewt 7
Only the first one for me was assisted, all the other ones after that the instructor jumped with me but I was solo. He just held on and told me to turn. Also I haven't finished the whole program with only 6 jumps under my belt.
gordogirls 4
You dont have to jump assisted nor do u need a licence. At least in Canada. My whole family started sky diving two years ago unassisted for all of us our first jumps, none of us obtained a licence but there was a 2 hr course ahead of the jumps.
Softballchhickk 11
That's scary! You're lucky to be alive
asb818 14
It was an assisted jump. He would have only been in danger if the chute hadn't opened or something happened to the instructor.
ironichalibut 24
They could've meant it's lucky it was an assisted jump? Or that they're lucky to be alive since life is so awesome? Or maybe they're lucky lighting didn't strike them? Or possibly that the jump instructor didn't draw a penis on their face on the way down?
Treyzania 16
Well at least you tried!
BobbieH 19
You need to breathe. You held your breath after being in a "thinner" higher altitude air. Proper breathing and you'll be wide awake next time!
Azeri_fml 11
Oh god... There's gonna be a next time?! Good luck, OP, you're much braver than I am, it seems.
asherm 15
When I went, I couldn't breathe at first, tried screaming and nothing came out, I could see how one would faint. I saw a YouTube vid of a guy who fainted and guy trying to steer chute and keep guy's head back to keep airway open. Yeah I was relieved when chute opened, then enjoyed the ride- and views!
Katy326 10
Very true. Went skydiving for my first time last weekend, and couldn't breathe at first. I suffer from asthma and am used to having to control my breathing. So, thankfully I had a clear enough head to force myself to breathe.
mixinitup 12
Dang you missed all the excitement. Now you have to do it all over again.
rawr_ily96 24
That's what I feel like doing on the first drop of The Titan at Six Flags Over Texas.
mandacleary 14
the titan is nothing. try the poltergeist or Mr freeze...
drjohnnyboy 15
No way. Try the TeaCups. Crazy stuff man....
MooseKnuckle5150 13
X2 at 6 flags magic mountain is pretty awesome too
Cristoforo 17
Thanks God you're ok, now that you know what to expect you can enjoy it with your eyes open next time!
Jharrist89 12
Better luck next time. Maybe you'll wake up half way through then.