Kids, Annoying and Relatable: You're not in the army now, oh oh ohoh

You're not in the army now, oh oh ohoh

By Anonymous - 13/04/2022 18:00

Today, my son was booted out of the army after one week for laziness, giving attitude to his training sergeant, sheer bloody stupidity, and asking the man who ran the on base shop if he could score weed anywhere on base. Even the army can’t sort out this asshole I gave birth to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 449

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Same thing different taste

Father of the year

By Harvey knicks grandad - 10/02/2021 21:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my son told me he failed to get into the army, which I didn’t know he was trying to do. Apparently he thought playing Call of Duty non-stop counted as "experience" and that he’d become an officer rank straight away, despite being 10-stone overweight with the brains of a tree stump FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 240

Creepy

By Anonymous - 16/11/2021 02:04

Today, I found out what my son has been celebrating. Apparently, his boss caught him smoking weed and fired him, then had a massive stroke and now has the IQ of a potato, so my son just kept turning up to work since his boss hadn’t had the time to tell anyone he was fired, or to fill out any paperwork. My son is scum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 425

Soldier boy

By Anonymous - 19/07/2022 12:00

Today, after my idiot son joined the army, flew out on deployment, he then flew straight back home again after accidentally shooting himself. His squad leader said it was the most bizarre accident he’d ever seen while still being considered an accident. As I said, my son's an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 212

Dad of the year

By Anonymous - 23/10/2023 07:00

Today, my son has failed all his exams, no university will take him, he keeps getting fired from part time jobs for incompetence, and generally makes goldfish look smart in comparison. His mother refuses to admit she should have quit drinking while she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 240

By thinking of military school - 23/10/2016 20:35

Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 494

You deserved it 3 681

Dumbass

By Anonymous - 21/11/2022 04:00

Today, my son is an idiot, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt by giving him a job as a cashier in one of my stores. Within half an hour, I was sent security footage from that store's manager showing my son on his phone, ignoring customers, picking his nose, and stealing money from the till. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 424

By idiot says "you raised him" - 31/05/2014 21:30 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 178

You deserved it 7 977

Kinda deserved it

By Anonymous - 10/12/2021 14:02

Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 1 583

Well done

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 11:41 - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 312

You deserved it 4 290

Failson

By Anonymous - 17/09/2023 20:00

Today, I gave my son a job as a shelf stacker in one of my stores. He is in his thirties and is so dumb that he has been fired from every other job for incompetence. I don’t want him to starve or lose his flat, but I also couldn’t give him an important job in case he screwed it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 193

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 14 April 2022 1:09

He ought to sign up for the Russian army. He'll be surrounded by lazy, drunk, incompetent cowards, so he'll fit right in.

poopface82 18

Wednesday 13 April 2022 18:46

I’m not familiar with how the military gets rid of people early on, though I know some of the reasons, but if they hurried up and kicked him out, he must have been a complete asshat.

Comments

mike3775 35

Wednesday 13 April 2022 18:25

I’m shocked they didn’t wait until week 2 when they were medically cleared to be dropped. Then got rid of him.

poopface82 18

Wednesday 13 April 2022 18:46

I’m not familiar with how the military gets rid of people early on, though I know some of the reasons, but if they hurried up and kicked him out, he must have been a complete asshat.

mike3775 35

Wednesday 13 April 2022 23:25

When I went to boot camp for the Navy (1993, Great Lakes), my company had someone like that and my company commander kept him around until we were all medically cleared (usually by the 5th or 6th day at the latest) and then we were cleared to be dropped (meaning push-ups, sit-ups, etc). After a day of continually dropping the guy, he ASMO’d (Assignment Memorandum Order) him 2 weeks (basically taking him back to day 1). I heard they ended up giving him a failure to adapt discharge.