Embarrassing, Drunk and Health: You played yourself - FML

You played yourself

By anon - 25/03/2013 18:31 - United States

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 115

You deserved it 68 652

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 627

You deserved it 34 413

By Caution - 02/10/2018 22:00

Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 193

You deserved it 587

By Anonymous - 09/12/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, while sleeping over at my guy friend's house, I woke up mid-air after falling off his abnormally high loft bed. Luckily, there was a table and 3 shot glasses to break my fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 629

You deserved it 3 872

All over the place

By nemi - 31/08/2010 22:33 - Norway

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 668

You deserved it 8 840

Worst party ever

By Dumbass - 10/01/2019 12:00

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 4 023

By HeadStillHurts - 26/10/2016 11:43

Today, I tried to impress a group of friends by jumping a set of stairs on my skateboard. I didn't realize the ceiling dropped down towards the bottom of the stairs and knocked myself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 676

You deserved it 8 807

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 08:25

Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 566

You deserved it 11 401

By Grant Williams - 07/05/2019 17:37

Today, while mildly tipsy, I threw myself onto my bed at a weird angle and somehow managed to somersault off my bed and land in my clothes hamper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 804

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 665

You deserved it 40 125

No Ragerts

By "Sonofaquiche" - 07/05/2017 00:00

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up in the hospital with a broken coccyx. Apparently, my drunk self came to the glorious conclusion that it would be a good idea to cannonball into a puddle while screaming "POOLPARTYYYY!" at the top of my lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 108

You deserved it 5 688

Next

Top comments

Tpracingkg 15

Monday 25 March 2013 23:06

Darwinism

theherd 4

Monday 25 March 2013 23:05

Bye children!

Comments

alwayswinning123 7

Monday 25 March 2013 23:09

You sir are a moron

Cheeley 17

Monday 25 March 2013 23:10

Not so funny now is it?

BlueMoonCafe 12

Monday 25 March 2013 23:10

I don't understand how this could be anything other than a "YDI."

cosmosis 12

Tuesday 26 March 2013 10:23

When your a moron like OP. Your life is truly ******!! Whats more surprising is that he survived long enough to learn what a taser is and how to use it. Well done OP. You sir are a *******.

MidnightOne 3

Monday 25 March 2013 23:12

Stupidity *should* be painful.

jgriff79 23

Tuesday 26 March 2013 4:05

Can't fix stupid!

Joe9024 20

Tuesday 26 March 2013 9:13

Not even with duct tape..

DasHaas 9

Monday 25 March 2013 23:13

That's what you get when you get "so drunk".

error404n0tf0und 21

Monday 25 March 2013 23:14

you sir, know how to party!

Joe9024 20

Tuesday 26 March 2013 13:40

I can usually party hardy without getting a taser to the testes, but that's just me

buddy51 23

Monday 25 March 2013 23:15

OP- Please, for the love of humanity, understand how VERY FUNNY it is for all your friends to see you taser your balls!! Repeatedly!!! Go for it!!

DudeEvil 22

Monday 25 March 2013 23:16

You think that's bad, OP? Wait till you see yourself on youtube. *fingers crossed*

VasilisaUzhasnaj 29

Tuesday 26 March 2013 0:57

Should probably cross dicks too, just to be safe.

friedchickenpie 14

Monday 25 March 2013 23:18

Go home, OP, you're drunk

LennyComa 39

Monday 25 March 2013 23:19

I recommend, If your balls can even still function, not reproducing as your genes are defective and the future doesn't want them

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I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 70

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I agree, your life sucks 0

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 227

Today, I had 3 teeth pulled. Due to the anaesthesia, my mom came along to drive me home. Halfway through my surgery, she decided to leave and go shopping with her friend. She even left a note with the receptionist, saying that I needed to take on my own adult responsibilities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 355

You deserved it 1 837

Today, my parents went to the Cayman Islands, leaving me at home in freezing Iowa. Also, even though I never get into trouble, they don't trust me enough to be home on my own. So they hired a babysitter to stay with me until they get back. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 240

You deserved it 4 243

Today, my boyfriend commented on one of his his ex-girlfriend's Facebook photos, saying how smoking hot she looks and how much he wants her. His excuse was that the photo was posted before he was with me, so he's clearly doing nothing wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 191

You deserved it 3 985

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 708

You deserved it 3 673

Today, I brought a friend who I have loved for years out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I ordered an expensive bottle of wine, and poured each of us a glass. As I was about to tell her I loved her, she raised her glass for a toast and said "A toast to friendship!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 807

You deserved it 7 823