Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Twins - FML

Twins

By rufusthepenis - 02/10/2011 22:57 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 314

You deserved it 4 846

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Same thing different taste

By sunboy52 - 05/05/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 884

You deserved it 91 004

By Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 174

You deserved it 3 759

Thanks, I guess…

By leogs23 - 03/06/2021 06:01

Today, I was taking a shower with my girlfriend when she 'complimented' me by saying, "You’re cute, like a rat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 159

Too much feeling!

By buckerooo - 03/12/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 930

You deserved it 504

Observational comedy

By JackOLantern2099 - 17/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I saw each other naked for the first time. She said my balls looked like little acorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 528

You deserved it 363

Nailed it

By anon - 21/12/2013 14:13 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 117

You deserved it 12 902

By whatswrongwithit?:( - 30/09/2012 19:37 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 464

You deserved it 3 657

By Anonymous - 07/06/2013 07:10 - United States - Marion

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 012

You deserved it 70 184

I'm coming!

By anonymous - 24/02/2010 05:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 865

You deserved it 4 479

By sn-511 - 01/03/2013 22:54 - Italy - Naples

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 016

You deserved it 5 989

Next

Top comments

SoCalKay 3

Monday 3 October 2011 8:52

Atleast Rufus isn't exactly small haha

4evaYong21 1

Monday 3 October 2011 8:50

Your life sucks.. Mainly because your penis looks like a naked mole rat. Hahaha

Comments

TerettsUnicorn 0

Tuesday 4 October 2011 1:08

You were getting "frisky"?

RufusthePenis 0

Sunday 27 November 2011 5:13

Inside joke.

MrTall 5

Tuesday 4 October 2011 1:16

Does that mean your penis has teeth and whiskers?

Bently24 6

Tuesday 4 October 2011 1:44

You now have a new nickname for your ****

wellnowthatsucks 5

Tuesday 4 October 2011 1:59

Well now that sucks, especially if you had yet to name your ****, 'cause now that's all you'll think of

alival 12

Tuesday 4 October 2011 2:09

You hav a veeery imaginative girlfriend! :D

sicnesses 6

Tuesday 4 October 2011 3:28

So not the drama!!! Oh god I'm gay....

legresley85 1

Tuesday 4 October 2011 4:05

You both sound really young and really dumb. Soon happy early parenthood.

MissLadyHaru 1

Tuesday 4 October 2011 4:22

Seriously ****** up man :/ i called my ex's thing-a-ma-bob rufus for years!

actingbro 3

Tuesday 4 October 2011 4:40

Idk if he wants his **** to be cute though

christinnaaa 10

Tuesday 4 October 2011 6:35

your girlfriend is pretty great . I approve (:

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I managed to scare my wife by walking round the corner on my way to the bathroom. Somehow this scared her so bad, she decided she’s done with my shit and wants a divorce. I just needed to pee. I never play pranks on her, so how can she tired of pranks. What did I do wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 83

Today, my family keeps pestering me about whether I've contacted my father yet. My father, the one who treated me and my family like crap throughout my upbringing and cheated on my mom a few years ago. I don't know why they think I'd ever want to see him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 71

The Top

Today, I went to visit my great-grandma. I saw that her dog had this red fluid on his ear, so I asked my grandma about it. She said she put red finger nail-polish in his ear so she could tell the difference between 'all' of her dogs. She only has one dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 762

You deserved it 2 617

Today I was walking around the mall and I saw my crush from high school. He came up to me and instead of talking to him I burped, and he just walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 768

You deserved it 734

Today, as a prank, I told my husband I was going to sleep alone in the spare room, just to see his panicked reaction. Not only did he not panic, he agreed straight away, then an hour later announced he was going to bed a whole three hours earlier than normal. I can hear him in there, watching TV, eating snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 1 032

Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 491

You deserved it 4 103

Today, I was taking notes during a meeting, and politely asked the speaker to repeat a statement. She snapped, "My time has value. I do not repeat. If you don't respect me enough to pay attention, it's your problem." Everyone just stared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 135

Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 917

You deserved it 5 458