Love: Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's... - FML

By aurora320 - 19/07/2016 19:50 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 831

You deserved it 1 387

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Don’t Think About It. - 26/08/2019 16:00

Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 220

By Anonymous - 19/03/2012 00:49 - United States - Dansville

Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 967

You deserved it 4 101

By tickyette - 14/09/2010 07:27 - United States

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 231

You deserved it 10 345

Bitten

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 00:01 - Spain - Barcelona

Today, I had to explain to a lady that the reason I mindlessly touched my crotch was to itch a mosquito bite. She didn't believe me, and called me a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 520

By BigBangrocksthenight - 03/04/2010 00:31 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. Things got kind of heated, so he decided to take off my bra. They cooled back down when a bug flew out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 585

You deserved it 10 456

By anonymous - 04/10/2017 20:51

Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 482

You deserved it 425

Headshot!

By almyric - 02/10/2019 12:02

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 438

You deserved it 283

By ThisIsWhyIStayAtHome - 24/05/2014 00:09 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 316

You deserved it 3 402

Marking territory

By Anonymous - 02/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, while on a picnic with my boyfriend, he got a little drunk. All of a sudden, he got up, pulled his pants down and pissed all over me. His excuse? "Just marking my territory." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 734

You deserved it 322

By awkardtaco - 28/09/2018 13:30

Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 621

You deserved it 233

Next

Top comments

TeraBaap 21

Wednesday 20 July 2016 12:09

Tell him he has a mosquito on his face and do the same.

stryder9090 28

Wednesday 20 July 2016 12:24

Well you wouldn't want anyone to suffer the pain of mosquito bite on their ass would you?

Comments

attitudenasty 8

Friday 22 July 2016 8:12

Leave him.

TisButAScratch 10

Saturday 23 July 2016 5:01

You guys were in a club. What did you expect?

sparkledoge 29

Saturday 23 July 2016 17:28

Fun ? Dancing ? Having a drink with friends ? I don't know, things people normally do in clubs ? You know, usually when i go out with my friends/boyfriend, my first idea is not "i'm gonna touch someone's ass". It's called being civilized.

AfroFluff 23

Monday 25 July 2016 2:20

Isn't that like, comic book quality of an excuse? How did this discussion end OP? I hope you didn't let him get away with it.

jvanevery 19

Wednesday 27 July 2016 19:35

performing a Public Health Service preventing the spread of the zika virus some assholes Never Grow Up

ATPR_4 9

Wednesday 17 August 2016 2:16

He must of had a good look to be able to see a mosquito on her ass..

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The Top

Today, I was stuck on a packed interstate bus for hours next to 2 complete strangers, even to each other, have an debate about the "Drake and Kendrick beef." They even tried to drag me into it, so… if you happen to read this and recognize yourselves, I was the guy in a white UA hoodie pretending not to speak English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 76

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 160

You deserved it 11 993

The Top

Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 327

You deserved it 2 620

Today, I found a diaper in the parking lot. It's been raining all morning. This was the wrong day to wear flip-flops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 310

You deserved it 4 011

Today, the drummer from my favorite band threw a drumstick into the crowd during a concert. It hit me on the head and bounced into my friend's hands. She left with a drumstick from a band she didn't want to see in the first place. I left with a bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 171

Today, while hiking, my dad decided we should take the beeline trail down the mountain to save time. When we got to the bottom of the mountain, we discovered we were on the wrong side. We had to hike 13 extra miles to go around the mountain to get back to our car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 864

You deserved it 360

Today, I found out that my girlfriend’s friends secretly make fun of me. They call me “grandpa” and a “massive creep.” They’re in their 20s. My girlfriend is 22 and I’m 48. Apparently, dating a consenting legal adult is considered “creepy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 1 833

Today, I got a call from my Dad's number. Turns out, a scammer was spoofing him. Also, my dad's been dead since July this year from esophageal cancer. Way to rub it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 062

You deserved it 155