Animals: Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in...

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 11:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 356

You deserved it 2 569

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Same thing different taste

By poophead - 30/05/2015 02:39 - Philippines

Today, I went to a fancy beauty parlor to prepare for my sister's birthday party. The minute I stepped out of the salon, with my hair beautifully trimmed and curled, a bird decided to use it as a toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 757

You deserved it 2 553

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 06:22 - Australia

Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 143

You deserved it 4 199

By Olive14 - 15/12/2010 06:15

Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 078

You deserved it 7 339

By ginya - 07/06/2016 01:58 - United States - Bedford

Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 468

You deserved it 1 081

By pass me the fucking rope - 18/06/2016 13:17 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 441

You deserved it 931

By craphanded - 19/07/2011 17:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 783

You deserved it 9 199

Nice bird

By Sick - 01/01/2020 01:00 - Netherlands - Ede

Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 984

By No Nip - 25/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 979

You deserved it 483

By Dog Person Now - 31/05/2018 01:30

Today, I came home to find that my sweet kitten had gotten out and dragged a bird inside, where he ripped it to shreds. I found the bird's head in my underwear drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 766

You deserved it 505

I am very hungry

By I'mSoHungry - 11/01/2020 08:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, a bird flew into the workshop where I work, gave itself a tour of the place, then promptly pooped on my lunch and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 325

You deserved it 197

sarah6786 14

Sunday 23 September 2012 19:27

Never trust birds

babalooisbabaloo 5

Sunday 23 September 2012 19:31

Woah! They have synchronized bladder cycles!!!

Comments

RaveBlade 4

Sunday 23 September 2012 19:32

Well... I guess the bird dont really like you..

lidsthesquid 4

Sunday 23 September 2012 23:42

*doesn't

heyred 11

Sunday 23 September 2012 19:33

It's technically not an animal. It's a bird.

perdix 29

Sunday 23 September 2012 19:41

Birds are a class in the Chordate phylum in the Animal kingdom. Technically, you're an . . ., um, let's just say you are incorrect.

xXHollowIchigoXx 17

Sunday 23 September 2012 19:49

Your right it isn't an animal, it's a Pokemon.

Meettitan 14

Sunday 23 September 2012 20:15

How much crack would you say you smoke in a day?...

Jessiegirl122 7

Sunday 23 September 2012 20:46

Now, what species are you?

lmaouloser 5

Monday 24 September 2012 0:32

Are you retarded?

perdix 29

Sunday 23 September 2012 19:33

Having a bird shit on you is good luck. The bird was so offended that you tried to reject the lucky poo, it made your luck real bad, real fast.

Szaszaspasz 26

Sunday 23 September 2012 19:52

My car must have lots of luck. Every time I clean and wax it; every bird in the area gets a case of the flying *****. I hate it when they re-enact the bombing of Pearl Harbour on my car.