Intimacy: Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy...

By Doritos - 17/06/2010 08:06 - United States

Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 36

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

TaylorTotsYumm 10

Thursday 17 June 2010 16:14

Get revenge. **** in his milk.

DarkHelmet 10

Thursday 17 June 2010 16:09

that deserves an ass whoopin!!

Comments

cj89898 24

Sunday 19 January 2014 1:03

Why the **** a condom???

SheTheOtaku 21

Sunday 9 March 2014 20:21

Ewewewew! Get a cleaner roommate! Or ask him to not do that!

rigley06 12

Monday 12 May 2014 22:56

Man i would have glued his hand to his manhood while he slept

Keywords

OCD Relatable Health Mental health Awkward Work Friends Vacation Boredom Music Transportation Annoying Jewelry Love AITA Embarrassing Cars Babysitter Family Kids Parents Miscellaneous Death Money Thief Food Birthday Farts Gross Underwear

The Top

Today, I got lost at Best Buy. Meanwhile, my mom freaked out, and they called out my name over the intercom. When I walked up to the desk and they saw I was 17, the employees burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 044

You deserved it 4 436

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest, ugliest man at the table looked me over then stared at my chest. He then started to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 229

You deserved it 6 620

The Top

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a picture a popular girl I don't talk to had posted of her fake ID. She had used my full name and identical signature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 846

You deserved it 114

Today, I sang a sweet lullaby to my two year-old son. In the process, he smacked me in the face and told me to please stop. My sister sings to him all the time and he loves it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 019

You deserved it 6 455

Today, to settle a bet with a friend, I took an online IQ test twice. The first time, I chose answers at random without reading the questions. The second time, I took it for real. I got a higher score from the random selections than from my serious attempt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 037

You deserved it 6 217

Today, I wanted to either say, "I already did it, sweetheart" or "I already did it, baby" to my SO, but my brain had other plans. I started to say ,“I already did it, sweet baby” but I got to "sweet" and in a millisecond mentally switched words, so what I ended up saying was, "I already did it sweet peepee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 285

Today, while I was home sick from work, my neighbor got packages delivered. Our apartments have had a lot of thefts lately so, being neighborly, I brought her stuff inside to wait. When she came home, I gave them right to her. Instead of thanking me, she told the office that I was the thief all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 126

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for my birthday. She got a little headache after we ordered, so she went outside to get some air. I ate a $100 meal and had Happy Birthday sang to me by the restaurant staff. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 665

You deserved it 3 560