Parents and Intimacy: Today, my parents think that I don't understand all the sexual...

By wittlegirl - 13/07/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, my parents think that I don't understand all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table, "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 353

You deserved it 3 989

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Same thing different taste

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 187

You deserved it 4 177

Explain that one

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 02:03

Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 201

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 383

You deserved it 5 037

Reading skills

By yudencow - 18/09/2019 18:00

Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 164

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 105

Damn, son

By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 20:24 - United States - Lufkin

Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 302

You deserved it 4 177

By ewmomew - 12/09/2010 04:07 - Canada

Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 693

You deserved it 9 380

Not now!

By XxDiabolikalXx - 24/08/2010 07:30 - France

Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 774

You deserved it 4 322

Degrading

By Failure2017 - 04/11/2017 19:30 - United States

Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 453

You deserved it 481

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 04/06/2022 12:00

Today, my parents yet again spent over ten minutes discussing and joking about something minor about me, in this case my preference for Pepper Jack cheese over American. They've done this my whole life, and refuse to understand why I suffer from such crippling self-consciousness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 155

SexyBeast145 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:12

dude that's so gross hahaha

tnlander 20

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:15

Try the shock reply. "Dad no one at this table wants to eat your ****. Now can I please finish my dinner?" That will shut him up.

Comments

RMRaidersNumbah3 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:28

hahahahha at least he has a sence of humor .

abbi96x 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:30

Win^ I love your sense of humour! ?

some1azn 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:31

You should get one of those audience devices. Next time he says that, press the "BOO!!!" button

spd2fst4u 5

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:32

eat up! HA HA HA! fyl indeed.

Xemogirl666X 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:34

um u should of said "r u sure about that dad"

SmallTownCutie 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 1:03

Is it really that hard to spell out your words? 20 extra seconds of typing can make you look a LOT smarter.

1215116a 14

Thursday 14 July 2011 1:06

Agreed.

macman23 4

Thursday 14 July 2011 4:57

should HAVE

Femalepersuasion 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 5:34

72- How about you shut up. Oh, and you should spell out your numbers because that would take you to a whole new level.

XxEmoSnowboarder 8

Thursday 14 July 2011 6:28

^ fail.

XxEmoSnowboarder 8

Thursday 14 July 2011 6:29

oh shit nvm my ipod showd that on a different comment.. im the fail.. bring on the thumbs downs

Person1233 12

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:35

FYL for not having a sausage to be able to embrace yourself.

Xemogirl666X 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:36

lol

dacman48 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:36

mines tastier ;P

BIEBERSLAYER 10

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:37

you should have called them on it

courtneykinz97 5

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:38

I'm so sorry. my dad dose it to.

mjninety 9

Thursday 14 July 2011 3:09

Everyone needs a good dose of sausage sometime.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I sent a forward to the ladies at my office. When I scrolled down I noticed my personal emails from my best friend were attached. They go into great detail about the sex I had last night, when I was planning on dumping my boyfriend, and that I suspected I had an anal fissure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 739

You deserved it 61 297

Today, I was at a wedding reception. Everyone got offended when I threw my hands up and backed off to avoid catching the garter and let the two guys on either side fight for it. Nothing but laughs for the cousin who grabbed the bouquet out of someone else's hand and punched her, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 78

The Top

Today, not only did my ex-wife take everything in our divorce, my most recent lottery ticket was off by only one number, I would have won millions and she wouldn’t have been entitled to a penny. Oh well, back to sleeping in my caravan, which is all I have left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 144

Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 634

You deserved it 23 377

Today, I was texting while walking up the stairs to my porch. When I looked up, I saw someone standing behind the porch door, and was so scared that I fell backwards down the stairs. Turns out, it was just my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 1 619

Today, after months of telling my parents I was going to live on my own, I finally moved out. Not even 24 hours being out of their house, some reject burned down the apartment complex I live in. Guess who's moving back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 910

You deserved it 2 571

Today, my fiancé yelled at me after I got off the phone with my friends, because I said I hadn't felt this happy and hadn't laughed this much in a long time. He was also mad that I didn't cook him dinner. He didn't ask me to cook dinner for him. He then told me to go somewhere else if I'm not happy with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 188

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 769

You deserved it 2 714

Same thing different taste

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