Animals: Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama...

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 721

You deserved it 8 145

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Same thing different taste

Nuts

By Almost neutered - 02/07/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 130

Poor little guy

By Almost neutered - 28/11/2022 00:00

Today, my cat wouldn't stop attacking the strings on my pants, and I couldn't get him to stop. However, he did finally stop when he missed the strings and grabbed me by the dick, because I accidentally kicked him across the room when he did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 227

CLAWS

By Attacksloth32 - 09/07/2021 01:59

Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 224

Never disrespect the cat

By Rafiki - 22/02/2010 03:14 - United States

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 278

You deserved it 31 804

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 21:18 - United States

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 786

You deserved it 12 892

By Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 549

Rocky VIX

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 20:06

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 354

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 495

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 506

You deserved it 28 622

Get back here!

By catgirl911 - 13/10/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 186

You deserved it 25 150

truslide 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 1:52

i am so sick of this pussy on pussy crime!!! LOL

mooseman 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 1:50

kinky.

Comments

shmexy4life 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 2:06

#28 I think I love you...

dumplings_fml 1

Thursday 28 May 2009 2:07

I guess your cat likes your ******? ..

ranaaa427 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 2:07

lmfao!!!1

bonafidehustler 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 2:07

I can't believe it took until #33 to point out that the OP used "proceeded."

coopcas 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 2:08

#22, I don't understand!

ive4g10how2fly 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 2:10

What number 21 said. How could your cat get in your ******? That's digusting.

RazorbladeSmiles 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 2:11

It could've been worse; that could've been the closest thing to any real action that you've received in years.

SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 2:11

#22/buu700: WHAT. THE. HELL? #39/sierramascara: Today, I decided to read someone's remake of an FML I was reading in the comments. I then noticed immediately how many times they had mockingly used the word "proceeded." I then realized that the word "proceeded" is seriously annoying and proceeded to type a comment replying to it.