Miscellaneous: Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the...

By fatty - 03/08/2010 22:37 - United States

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 151

You deserved it 7 416

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Same thing different taste

By Person15 - 26/11/2011 23:13 - United States

Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 368

You deserved it 10 464

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 14:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 060

You deserved it 3 113

By faceless_sailor8 - 31/08/2011 16:25 - United States

Today, my wife compared me to Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Same smile, same eyes, same belly, same big feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 679

You deserved it 5 727

By Thanks - 27/11/2009 23:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 320

You deserved it 49 560

By warp_routine - 31/03/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200 906

You deserved it 13 906

By hakuna matata - 31/10/2012 10:06 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 010

You deserved it 3 618

By Anonymous - 17/01/2014 23:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 034

You deserved it 6 789

By derve - 07/11/2012 23:48 - United States

Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 219

You deserved it 2 174

By queenmeme - 08/10/2014 06:02 - United States - Redlands

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 363

You deserved it 3 725

Animated movies

By Penny - 18/01/2020 20:00

Today, at work, I was discussing animated movies with a male senior who's got kids. I was trying to refer to Zootopia but couldn't remember the name. I went, "Zoo, zoo... filia?" Silence. It wasn't until I got home an hour later that I realized what I said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 642

You deserved it 468

MarkerofMagic 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 2:12

haha mean sister but good movie.

FailVader 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 2:13

you shoulda said, " if you talked less, maybe YOU would get a date."

Comments

sexii_babii_21 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 4:51

does anyone wanna talk to mee ?

Bubbelz 25

Wednesday 4 August 2010 4:52

Lol go search a chatroom @ Google

sexii_babii_21 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 4:55

umm no thanks .

randomlettrrs 8

Wednesday 4 August 2010 5:13

ill talk to you!

randomlettrrs 8

Wednesday 4 August 2010 4:58

why has thou forsaken me, Ignorance!

TropicalTulipz 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 4:59

sux. really does.

GravyTrain918 6

Wednesday 4 August 2010 5:07

pwnd..

imhowie 2

Wednesday 4 August 2010 5:07

YDI for being as far as a hippo!

andreffff 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 5:16

truth hurts

el_chicharito_14 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 5:27

little kids are dreadfully rude

twinny_sc 13

Wednesday 4 August 2010 5:27

YDI for not being a hippo.

drmarki 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 5:32

damn the FML ***** = sexy

MrSassypants 32

Wednesday 4 August 2010 5:35

262- maybe cuz your trying to hook up over the Internet?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I set aside a weekend to spend time with a friend. I learned that someone else is staying there: a fat, unemployed man-child who talks shit about us on Facebook, while his manipulative wife pays his bills. He got evicted from his last home when he pretended to be a ninja and cut up his neighbor's garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 64

Today, I asked out a girl I’ve been hanging out with for a few months. She said, “That’s kind of gross.” When I asked her about, it she said, “My friends will think you’re creepy” followed by, “You’re not actually a creep, they say you look like one.” I groom myself every day like a normal person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 101

The Top

Today, my stupid coworker informed the managers that there were no more kids' menus downstairs. Trusting her word, they ordered 3 full boxes. She then asked me where we kept them. We now have 12,000 kids menus to fold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 743

You deserved it 968

Today, these cute girls approached me and asked me to take a picture of them. One girl asked me if I could send it to her because her phone had died. I was excited to have her number, but it turns out that she deleted the message after she sent the picture to herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 270

You deserved it 7 635

Today, I was washing my car, and I decided to be kind and to wash my elderly neighbor's car. As it turns out, her sunroof was open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 695

You deserved it 12 529

Today, I bought Plan B for the first time. Not because I had unprotected sex, but to make the cashier think someone would actually sleep with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 825

You deserved it 43 220

Today, I overheard my husband of 3 years talking to our boss, an attractive blonde. She was telling him that she couldn't believe he was with me. She thinks I'm fat and ugly and that he's hot. He said, "She's not that bad…" We work in the same store and she follows him around like a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 459

You deserved it 205

Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 711

Same thing different taste

Animated movies

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