Intimacy: Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the...

By accident - 14/02/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 046

You deserved it 5 821

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Same thing different taste

By my honest father - 10/07/2013 16:33 - United States - Kansas City

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 055

You deserved it 3 747

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 382

You deserved it 5 037

By fml - 22/06/2009 09:03 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 430

You deserved it 5 473

By diesel444 - 23/08/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 824

You deserved it 23 184

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 186

You deserved it 4 177

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 487

You deserved it 2 883

Good catch

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 562

You deserved it 90 878

By thanks mom ¬_¬ - 24/08/2013 22:05 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 699

You deserved it 4 730

By more than I wanted to know - 13/05/2013 19:10 - Italy - San Giustino

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 176

You deserved it 5 863

ED FML

By Anonymous - 22/04/2011 02:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 323

You deserved it 3 510

mea_iloveskiing 26

Saturday 15 February 2014 5:13

I'm sure he loves you :)

thief1434 23

Saturday 15 February 2014 5:14

The question is, what condoms did he recommend?

Comments

ladybug110 6

Saturday 15 February 2014 5:18

Sorry OP. But look on the bright side! Now you know to never use Durex condoms. I'm sure he still loves you.

Vagitarian1 10

Saturday 15 February 2014 5:18

Sex is something you'll have to learn about through life experience. "The talk," is overrated.

Vagitarian1 10

Saturday 15 February 2014 9:10

Why so many negative votes? The talk is awkward, embarrassing for both parent and child and they usually don't connect. I've never known anyone who said their talk was anything but uncomfortable and pointless.

stargirl_95 24

Saturday 15 February 2014 19:04

I've gotten talks since I was 10 years old and I can honestly say that I was a hell of a lot more informed when it came to sex, different kinds of contraception, and what to do in an emergency than my friends who didn't get the talk. The talk is something that you have to have because for all you know your kid could be getting all their sex education from their friends (who will inevitably be extremely ignorant) or they could be at a school that teaches abstinence only (which isn't very helpful). There are too many risks involved to allow your child to learn about sex using trial and error and, to be honest, that's just irresponsible parenting.

DaggNabbit 8

Saturday 15 February 2014 5:19

Improper use is the most likely the cause of a condom breaking. Good for him for at least attempting to educate. Being direct can be more helpful than joking about it.

VeeFML 10

Saturday 15 February 2014 5:19

How is this an FML? There are heaps of people walking around today that are the result of a 'whoopsie'.

narycanary 4

Saturday 15 February 2014 5:20

Pretty sure that's how most of us were born.

octopussperm125 18

Sunday 16 February 2014 6:26

Indeed

infinitegrace 21

Saturday 15 February 2014 5:22

Lots if people were surprise miracles :) At least he is talking to you about that. That shows he cares in my opinion.

elmatador615 12

Saturday 15 February 2014 5:23

My parents never gave me the talk or anything, the school and society did that for me

VeeFML 10

Saturday 15 February 2014 5:25

I don't understand how this is such a bad thing. Your father obviously loves you and cares enough to have 'the talk' with you. Lots of people are walking around today because of a 'whoopsie'.