Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon...

By Anonymous - 08/08/2011 14:29 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 707

You deserved it 4 475

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Yummy

By lovely - 26/02/2014 18:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 121

You deserved it 10 610

By Anonymous - 15/11/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 849

You deserved it 37 748

By frustrated - 17/08/2013 22:56 - Ireland - Killarney

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 133

You deserved it 7 406

By Notaplacetogo - 17/02/2013 06:45 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 660

You deserved it 10 117

By ilikecake - 29/05/2009 11:12 - United Arab Emirates

Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 383

You deserved it 53 409

By Anon - 15/03/2016 06:52 - United States - Pasco

Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 865

You deserved it 3 044

By bathtime - 21/12/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 929

You deserved it 4 207

By Anonymous - 23/06/2012 14:59 - Ireland - Cork

Today, as a romantic gesture, my boyfriend gifted me an origami vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 670

You deserved it 4 710

By PlayTag - 05/02/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 838

You deserved it 18 696

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 347

You deserved it 4 913

whiteboy7thst 2

Monday 8 August 2011 19:00

So he has that long of a penis? Stop complaining..

plebeianFelix 5

Monday 8 August 2011 19:00

that's a lofty goal, you should be proud of him.

Comments

bkb1886 0

Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:00

Trade f4f pics. [email protected]

ahodes 0

Wednesday 10 August 2011 23:13

well were u watching him???

eleutheros 3

Wednesday 10 August 2011 23:15

That's hilarious...go and take pictures! :)

tessat1359 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 2:13

Hard or flaccid?

cynthia1247 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 3:33

Thats nasty

Nuahavizu 17

Thursday 11 August 2011 8:19

sounds like a keeper... >.>

bccaper 3

Thursday 11 August 2011 10:03

what a moron! dump that idiot before the 2 of you make idiot babies

Iwantsushi1234 3

Friday 12 August 2011 6:32

Oh shit, slap some sense into him before he breaks his dick.

TrolliloliPoP 1

Thursday 20 October 2011 16:35

i would maybe suggest, breaking his dick isnt such a bad idea, i guess we all agree these genes can be deleted... :)

SkullChick49 0

Monday 15 August 2011 11:04

you gotto be kidding me right -.-

Isaac_The_Great 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 16:05

What an idiot...

Keywords

Management Work Miscellaneous Friends Awkward Relatable Health Healthy Lifestyle Birthday Family Money Mother in law Gifts Public freakouts Education Parents Students Exams Pranks Weird Love Argument AITA Insects Fear Cats Skincare Job interview Jealousy Coworkers

The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 271

You deserved it 14 939

Today, I was scrolling through a more risqué/dark/dirty humor Facebook page. I thoughtlessly set my phone down to help my cousin with a translation for about a minute. When I went to grab my phone, I saw, front and center, a photo edit of Chewbacca with his "lipstick" out. No wonder she kept glancing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 416

The Top

Today, I was talking to a customer needing IT help. I make small talk about how my birthday is on the same day the Boy Scouts were formed, and I tell the customer I am sure something interesting happened on his birthday. He gets quiet, then gives his birthday. September 11th. Cue the long silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 383

You deserved it 782

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend and my close family, who were all ecstatic. Then he told his mother. Her reaction? "It better come out looking like him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 388

You deserved it 3 850

Today, I waited 75 minutes for a roller coaster. I got on the front seat and it broke a few seconds before it started. It was closed for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 268

You deserved it 332

Today, I realized that my fiancé is more invested in getting his lingerie and tattoo-clad friend on the cover of Inked Magazine than help plan our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 188

Today, after studying all night for an exam, I ran out to catch the bus. On my way to the bus, my hair got caught in a branch for some minutes. Thinking I'd missed the bus but thankfully didn't, I went on. A few minutes later I remembered that my exam had been postponed for 3 hours today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 163

You deserved it 10 219

Today, I went on my first date in a year with a guy I met just a couple hours ago. I went back to my hotel to get better dressed and met him at the bar. I brought my purse, he brought his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 876

You deserved it 347

Same thing different taste

Yummy

Top comments

Comments