Love: Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone... - FML

By hahahehehohohoo - 07/02/2009 03:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324 246

You deserved it 58 615

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/05/2012 12:07 - Israel - Ramat Hasharon

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend cuffed my legs to the bed. After the sex we discovered one of the cuffs wouldn't open. After an hour of trying to pry them open, I had to waddle with him to the fire station to have them removed in front of 4 amused firefighters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 153

You deserved it 8 746

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 19:46 - United States - Bronx

Spicy

Today, I got locked in my boyfriend's garage in my underwear while his parents ripped him a new one for having sex beneath their roof. His sister had to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 538

You deserved it 5 036

Wakey wakey

By DanJames24 - 24/05/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom - Southsea

Today, my flatmate woke me up early, saying there was a fire and we had to evacuate. Barely awake, she practically dragged me downstairs and got to the front door. Once we got there, she opened the front door, kneed me in the nuts, and pushed me out, locking it behind her. I was only in boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 150

By wookieewhosshe - 19/03/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 116

You deserved it 383

Sneaky

By TasedAndDazed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 615

You deserved it 43 640

By avocadotoe - 14/11/2016 06:52 - United States - Big Bear Lake

Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 195

You deserved it 3 103

By Ignorant - 07/10/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, my husband and I had a HUGE fight, but we had amazing make up sex so I figured it was over. When I woke up, I realized my mistake. I was tied to the four bed posts completely naked and a sign was taped on the ceiling. "Repairman coming in an hour. Gave him a key. Have all your clothes. Have fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 974

You deserved it 885

By Anonymous - 07/09/2009 21:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 184

You deserved it 3 456

Why would you do that?

By Sam - 23/11/2009 01:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 108

You deserved it 29 771

Some people just don't like surprises

By alone and horny - 20/06/2020 20:01

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. When I started to head back in, I saw a shadow move across my bedroom window. I live alone, so I waited outside and called the police. They came and investigated, only to drag my naked boyfriend out, where he promptly dumped me. I forgot our 2-year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 818

You deserved it 1 709

Next

Top comments

xXxRandiexXx 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 13:32

I would dump him. he just left you there!!!

Pewsily 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 14:19

Hahaha, this made my day!

Comments

Luky_fml 0

Friday 13 March 2009 21:22

you would have been ****** either way if the bf couldnt find the key

redheadedbeauty 0

Monday 16 March 2009 7:02

Hahahh, this is probably my fav FML of all time :)

TurtleLG 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:47

a great friend eh?

getem 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 6:12

lmfaaaaooooo

jessica09 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 1:10

hahahahahaha i heard this on the radio. that really sucks :/ i'd dump him

xsydbabyx 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 2:58

For srs? Dump that bastard! Or better yet, handcuff HIM to a bed, 'forget' where the key is, and go pull the fire alarm. See how he likes everyone seeing him naked. - S.

Sangue0608 26

Saturday 20 June 2015 20:32

I like how you think

JessBond 0

Wednesday 8 April 2009 4:13

Wow =O im sry but i kinda Lol'ed o.O but like o.O that is oneeee hellaaa messed up boyfriend o.O i hope u dumped his ass, or like played some sort of prank on him that involves him being chained up naked at a public park, in broad daylight o.O

dontcare804 0

Thursday 16 April 2009 21:36

lol That is funny. I couldn't help laughing.

lolurscrewed 0

Friday 17 April 2009 23:39

Damn that is ****** up

MozillaFirefox 0

Wednesday 22 April 2009 2:07

Aww. Maybe he thought you had a fetish for being trapped in a burning building, and wanted a safe way to help you fulfill your fantasy?

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The Top

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 607

You deserved it 5 177

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 264

You deserved it 2 123

The Top

Today, I realised that if I died, no one would care. I know this because when I called my partner distressed last night, he told me he needed to sleep and hung up in less than 45 seconds, and a friend told me to call lifeline. I haven’t heard from either of them since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 187

Today, I'm sharing a hospital room with an 80-year-old. She's a nice lady, but keeps walking around in her hospital gown with no underwear on. I accidentally glanced in her direction as she was bending over. I saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 332

You deserved it 344

Today, I woke up to find some really weird stuff in my bed. We just got back from vacation in Florida, and my husband burned really bad. I woke up to his peeled off skin all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 571

You deserved it 841

Today, I took a picture of the combination to my new lock so I would always have it on my phone if I ever forgot it. I put my phone in my gym locker, locked it with the new lock, then promptly forgot the combination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 917

You deserved it 26 777

Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 499

You deserved it 30 641

Today, I went to change my one year-old son's diaper and it was a total disaster! He'd picked at his diaper and it came loose. There was poop all over his sleeper, and when I went to clean it up, he put his hands in it. Let's just say I threw the damn sleeper away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 205