Animals: Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and...

By Wendie - 18/04/2011 16:10 - United States

Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 541

You deserved it 8 583

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 16:41 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 518

You deserved it 3 236

By Andrea Trevor - 30/04/2018 01:30

Today, I woke up at 5am to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 124

You deserved it 625

Wake up call

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 00:01

Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 459

By kittykat - 08/08/2009 18:02 - United States

Today, I snuck out of my bedroom to go pee very quickly, so I wouldn't wake up my new puppy who doesn't like being away from me. In the 60 seconds it took me to pee, wash my hands and walk back into the room she had pooped, peed, and left potty-paw-prints all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 631

You deserved it 8 093

How sweet

By Birdman - 23/06/2018 15:00

Today, my 3-year-old fell asleep in our bed while cuddling me, and I let him stay since he was being so sweet. In the middle of the night, he took off his pants and pissed all over my head and back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 721

You deserved it 786

By Pisser - 26/06/2014 04:57 - United States - Portland

Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 180

You deserved it 5 710

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 3 363

Warming it up

By Erin - 02/01/2021 20:01

Today, I bought an expensive blanket to help warm up for the winter. Right after I put it on the bed, my dog jumped up and peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 173

By SHIT-BREATH - 05/06/2013 16:03 - United Kingdom - Chepstow

Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 490

You deserved it 15 108

Faulty plumbing

By Anonymous - 08/02/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 97

Sammara 0

Monday 18 April 2011 23:18

Why is a FIVE week old puppy sleeping in your bed? They're still really fragile at that age.

wiggs5 0

Monday 18 April 2011 23:16

Aw :) puppies are great!

Comments

tokoun 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 19:47

you dumb you not supposed to get a puppy until it's EIGHT weeks old or it gets malnourished obviously fabricated fml gtfo

Djahcrap 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 22:58

Or maybe, ********, just throwing it out there, the puppy could possibly be offspring of dogs the OP owns?

maddehsaurr 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 0:28

aww an eww.

amkaye 1

Wednesday 20 April 2011 10:20

UFO for having a puppy that's too young to be away from its mother.

alfredo1177 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 20:35

Sewer that's so cute!!haha

iStEvO 0

Thursday 21 April 2011 0:13

how could you stay mad at a puppy though = ]

andre5006 2

Thursday 21 April 2011 1:48

Three cute

andre5006 2

Thursday 21 April 2011 1:51

thts not sad thts cute

gossip_girl23 0

Thursday 21 April 2011 5:52

I find that sooo cute! but gross! xoxo. gossipgirl

thecoolgeek99 1

Sunday 24 April 2011 4:00

that is cute but disgusting at the same time

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The Top

Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother, and my mom texted me, asking to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 458

You deserved it 2 906

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 265

You deserved it 2 123

The Top

Today, I got so drunk that I decided it was a good idea to get naked and jump on a trampoline in the back of a neighbour’s garden. Said neighbour is a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 995

You deserved it 46 786

Today, my wife is pissed I bought a $600 drill set on sale for only $200, because the one I had wasn't strong enough for the job i just started at. Yet the $300 I just spent for her to go to a concert isn't even in a the equation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 118

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 129

You deserved it 9 839

Today, I had the choice of visiting a ruined castle or having hot gay sex. I chose the castle. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 922

Today, I tried drinking "Smart Water" for the first time. I couldn't figure out how to open the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 422

You deserved it 37 806

Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet paper left, so I dug through my purse to use my one and only pad as a substitute. It clogged the toilet, and I started my period ten minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 002

You deserved it 19 882