Animals: Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and...

By Wendie - 18/04/2011 16:10 - United States

Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 541

You deserved it 8 583

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 16:41 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 518

You deserved it 3 236

By Andrea Trevor - 30/04/2018 01:30

Today, I woke up at 5am to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 124

You deserved it 625

Wake up call

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 00:01

Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 459

By kittykat - 08/08/2009 18:02 - United States

Today, I snuck out of my bedroom to go pee very quickly, so I wouldn't wake up my new puppy who doesn't like being away from me. In the 60 seconds it took me to pee, wash my hands and walk back into the room she had pooped, peed, and left potty-paw-prints all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 631

You deserved it 8 093

How sweet

By Birdman - 23/06/2018 15:00

Today, my 3-year-old fell asleep in our bed while cuddling me, and I let him stay since he was being so sweet. In the middle of the night, he took off his pants and pissed all over my head and back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 721

You deserved it 786

By Pisser - 26/06/2014 04:57 - United States - Portland

Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 180

You deserved it 5 710

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 3 363

Warming it up

By Erin - 02/01/2021 20:01

Today, I bought an expensive blanket to help warm up for the winter. Right after I put it on the bed, my dog jumped up and peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 173

By SHIT-BREATH - 05/06/2013 16:03 - United Kingdom - Chepstow

Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 490

You deserved it 15 108

Faulty plumbing

By Anonymous - 08/02/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 97

Sammara 0

Monday 18 April 2011 23:18

Why is a FIVE week old puppy sleeping in your bed? They're still really fragile at that age.

wiggs5 0

Monday 18 April 2011 23:16

Aw :) puppies are great!

Comments

Miranday 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:02

As long as the puppy is fine.

FMLsOhilarious 6

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:02

YDI for sneezing. I mean, who does that? Lol jk.

cheer4ever96 8

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:04

your puppy's too small to sleep with...but awwww

choenk 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:05

haha fyl :)

raya_kz 7

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:08

Hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha cute:)

TrueStory22 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:08

How cute, a puppy!! I love puppies because they don't piss and poo everywhere...

glitterysnails 7

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:47

what? just what…

Junebugfrenzy 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 19:32

except for on top of you?? haha puppies shit and piss anywhere sweetie. they arent perfect lmfao

DuckfaceSoccerpu 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:08

haha, I'm sorry but, that's HILARIOUS. xD.

TayonaC 10

Tuesday 19 April 2011 22:40

like your picture :)

lmaoatall 6

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:10

his way of telling you to piss off. he doesn't want to listen and obey you. now fetch him his sleepers and a treat.

allieo 1

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:13

awe :)

kykyshay 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:16

aw puppys! :D

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Today, I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me. I refused his calls, so he texted, not to apologize, but to say I'd "left some clothes in his suitcase"; i.e., he stole some of my clothes. When he didn't get the response from me that he was hoping for, he texted, "I'm wearing your shorts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 120

Today, my roommate started packing up for when we move out in August. Thirty boxes later, I realized she's leaving me with only a dishtowel and a skillet while she traipses through Europe for the summer. She even packed the silverware. And the curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 359

You deserved it 477

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 35 511

You deserved it 8 854

Today, in class, we were discussing stereotypes. We were asked about common ones about nearby cities. A guy said, "Well, they say Lumberton has the prettiest girls." My teacher asked if any of us were from Lumberton, so I raised my hand. The guy quickly said, "Nevermind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 416

You deserved it 5 859

Today, I’m the only one in my family who's ever taken Covid seriously. This seemed to really annoy my siblings, so much so that they chased me, pulled off my mask, and dramatically coughed all over me. We’re all adults and though they found it hilarious, I’ve been having panic attacks all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187

You deserved it 436

Today, I cursed out a school bus driver for blocking me from making a turn. What’s wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 1 028

Today, my wife is mad at me because she’s had to stop seeing her closest friend because of me. Why? Because her friend is stalking me, keeps asking me to divorce my wife, and has even broken in and stolen my stuff, forcing me to involve the police several times, and somehow this is all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 86

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 985

You deserved it 23 319

Same thing different taste

Wake up call

How sweet

Warming it up

Faulty plumbing

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