Kids: Today, my 10-year-old son introduced me to Tom, his new best...

By spadesmollusques - 06/06/2016 05:13 - France - Strasbourg

Today, my 10-year-old son introduced me to Tom, his new best friend, and insisted we have him over to dinner. Tom is a slug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 067

You deserved it 1 346

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Same thing different taste

By Bad Mother - 08/10/2015 11:53 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out my son told his teachers that I make his brother Tom sleep on the floor, make him stay out of the house for long periods of time, and don't let him use the toilet. Tom is actually our cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 997

You deserved it 1 898

By our kids will be derps - 22/06/2013 19:28 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 470

You deserved it 6 944

By notyouagain - 03/10/2010 07:40 - Australia

Today, I went over to my friend's house. Her 5 year old son answered the door and when he saw me said, 'oh great, it's YOU' and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 578

You deserved it 4 947

Fight Club

By Back to youtube - 23/10/2023 22:00

Today, two weeks after I got my girlfriend's son to watch old Tom & Jerry cartoons instead of those awful YouTube kids channels, he got in trouble at school for whapping another kid in the face with a toy mallet. He mentioned he wanted to be like Jerry. I'm a dead man when my girlfriend hears this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 258

By Laurel - 25/05/2013 04:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 891

You deserved it 9 068

By Anonymous - 19/05/2011 23:05 - Canada

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 615

You deserved it 4 970

By hello to you too - 30/08/2018 12:30 - United States - New York

Today, I met my new 7ft tall and heavily muscular neighbor. Before I could say anything, he greeted me in his really deep voice with, "Excuse me, but is this yours?" He was holding my muddy 3-year-old son, who he'd found in his backyard, by his jumpers like a stuffed cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 952

You deserved it 900

Armchair psychologist

By Mom - 27/11/2023 07:30

Today, I spent yet another lunch venting to my best friend about how much I hate my teenage son's girlfriend, thinking he should be with someone less outspoken. Apparently she got tired of listening because she eventually snapped, "Oh for god's sake, just admit you want to fuck your son already!" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 1 123

By parent - 08/03/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 203

You deserved it 2 823

Great work, son

By firestar772 - 12/06/2013 06:21 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 817

You deserved it 5 469

potatocouch 16

Monday 6 June 2016 15:59

Make sure to pass "Tom" the salt.

Welshite 39

Monday 6 June 2016 16:05

And the son becomes traumatized at the murder of his best friend. It's dinner AND a show!

Comments

THE_GLOW_CLOUD 9

Wednesday 8 June 2016 17:31

Kids... just wait a week or so and he'll have completely forgotten all about it.

OneShotOfEstus94 7

Wednesday 8 June 2016 21:49

fill a small bowl with salt and cover tit with lettuce.

themanontheedge 13

Wednesday 27 July 2016 2:35

that isn't to bad, trust me, there are worse things! have you seen parental guidance

Retolv23 0

Tuesday 31 January 2017 0:30

at first I thought it was a racial slur

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I've finally got my mental health under control after decades of flailing. I also started showing signs of Serotonin Syndrome, which is caused by my meds and could result in seizure and death. So my choices are the swirling void of depression or possibly just the void. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 92

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 607

You deserved it 5 177

The Top

Today, I was sitting on my couch when I felt something weird underneath me. I got up, thinking I'd sat on my phone or something. Wrong. I'd sat on a live mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 138

You deserved it 1 068

Today, I realized that if I consume caffeine in any way, shape, or form, it exacerbates my insomnia to the point that sleeping for more than two hours in the night is impossible. I'm not even sure if that's the actual cause. I don't know what's wrong with me anymore, and my anxiety-ridden brain is milking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 150

Today, I was stuck in the ICU with my 10 month-old. They spent more than an hour and multiple pricks to get a vein for cannula. I had to endure and hold him down through all of it. Half and hour later, he promptly smeared poop all over his cannula bandage area during a diaper change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 120

Today, my older brother called me in the middle of the night to describe to me, in painstaking elaborate detail, the Yamaha commercial he'd just watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 586

You deserved it 165

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 947

You deserved it 5 158

Today, I arrived at my internship at 7 am after three hours of sleep with a massive hangover. When I got there, my boss told me he had made a mistake and I was meant to come in next week. He then said, "Well, now that you're here, you might as well get some work done. Come in next week as well." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 145

You deserved it 15 225

Same thing different taste

Fight Club

Armchair psychologist

Great work, son

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