Kids: Today, my 10-year-old son introduced me to Tom, his new best... - FML

By spadesmollusques - 06/06/2016 05:13 - France - Strasbourg

Today, my 10-year-old son introduced me to Tom, his new best friend, and insisted we have him over to dinner. Tom is a slug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 067

You deserved it 1 346

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Bad Mother - 08/10/2015 11:53 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out my son told his teachers that I make his brother Tom sleep on the floor, make him stay out of the house for long periods of time, and don't let him use the toilet. Tom is actually our cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 997

You deserved it 1 898

By our kids will be derps - 22/06/2013 19:28 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 470

You deserved it 6 944

By notyouagain - 03/10/2010 07:40 - Australia

Today, I went over to my friend's house. Her 5 year old son answered the door and when he saw me said, 'oh great, it's YOU' and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 578

You deserved it 4 947

Fight Club

By Back to youtube - 23/10/2023 22:00

Today, two weeks after I got my girlfriend's son to watch old Tom & Jerry cartoons instead of those awful YouTube kids channels, he got in trouble at school for whapping another kid in the face with a toy mallet. He mentioned he wanted to be like Jerry. I'm a dead man when my girlfriend hears this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 258

By Laurel - 25/05/2013 04:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 891

You deserved it 9 068

By Anonymous - 19/05/2011 23:05 - Canada

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 615

You deserved it 4 970

By hello to you too - 30/08/2018 12:30 - United States - New York

Today, I met my new 7ft tall and heavily muscular neighbor. Before I could say anything, he greeted me in his really deep voice with, "Excuse me, but is this yours?" He was holding my muddy 3-year-old son, who he'd found in his backyard, by his jumpers like a stuffed cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 952

You deserved it 900

Armchair psychologist

By Mom - 27/11/2023 07:30

Today, I spent yet another lunch venting to my best friend about how much I hate my teenage son's girlfriend, thinking he should be with someone less outspoken. Apparently she got tired of listening because she eventually snapped, "Oh for god's sake, just admit you want to fuck your son already!" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 1 123

By parent - 08/03/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 203

You deserved it 2 823

Great work, son

By firestar772 - 12/06/2013 06:21 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 817

You deserved it 5 469

Next

Top comments

potatocouch 16

Monday 6 June 2016 15:59

Make sure to pass "Tom" the salt.

Welshite 39

Monday 6 June 2016 16:05

And the son becomes traumatized at the murder of his best friend. It's dinner AND a show!

Comments

ThatCaramelOtaku 1

Monday 6 June 2016 22:33

I wish there was a "meh" option because you're life doesn't suck but it's not your fault either.

dragoongirl90 34

Tuesday 7 June 2016 1:57

That is just adorable. Stop bitching and have the slug over.

Bitchpuddin 7

Tuesday 7 June 2016 4:48

Maybe this is just me...but I think this it's so beautifully awesome

honestjane 22

Tuesday 7 June 2016 6:22

At least Tom isn't a homeless meth head? There are worse things than slugs to bring home.

CaaaaattttLady 13

Tuesday 7 June 2016 7:06

Awwww cute! ?

Raze_Roze 7

Tuesday 7 June 2016 9:10

Oh god, not an imagination! Quick! Kill it!

magaoitin 4

Tuesday 7 June 2016 19:31

Remember that a slug is just a down on his luck, homeless snail, and probably a disabled vet from the great salt wars of the spring garden 2016. I hope you got his backstory at dinner. I imagine he is just trying to clean up his life, kick his addiction to that imported sea salt, get his shell back, and find work to help support his little ones.

xxUnknown 19

Tuesday 7 June 2016 20:51

That's kind of cute !! In a gross way ...

X_Gon_Giv_ItToYa 9

Wednesday 8 June 2016 1:29

Maybe he just wants some escargot

ACCOUNTKILLER 18

Wednesday 8 June 2016 13:22

at least he has good manners?

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The Top

Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 111

You deserved it 5 027

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 851

You deserved it 7 892

The Top

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 293

You deserved it 2 587

Today, my husband told me that he's letting his mother move in with us. He told her it was alright without even consulting me first. I hate my mother-in-law so much that I'm contemplating divorce rather than living with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 356

You deserved it 8 083

Today, the stalker flatmate who has been obsessed with me since I first moved into the flat two years ago, graduated. Apparently he told everyone we are an item, because his parents and relatives were smiling and taking pictures of me from their seats two rows ahead of mine at the ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 125

You deserved it 3 071

Today, during a meeting, the president of the honor society apologized for being out for a couple of days due to the flu, and wanted to get everything back on track. I mumbled that she hadn't shown good leadership by being out. I guess she heard me, because she said, “Neither does being a teen mom.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 6 279

Today, my husband refuses to have sex with me, ever since I told him I wanted to try for a baby. When I asked him why, he said it was because he likes lack of responsibility and money in the bank more than the thought of a screaming baby, no sleep and strong suicidal urges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 1 899

Today, my brother and his wife have seriously decided to name their son “Bubba.” I don’t know how to politely explain to them that Bubba is a dog’s name, not a human’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 257