Intimacy: Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend...

By sore - 04/01/2010 11:30 - France

Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 758

You deserved it 3 871

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Bittie

By Alwayspotato - 11/07/2020 05:02

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 154

By Indianagirl94 - 29/10/2012 22:22 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 682

You deserved it 3 376

By goldie09 - 18/02/2010 17:36 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 781

You deserved it 5 222

By Snufflopagus - 01/01/2014 13:26 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 450

You deserved it 10 579

By omgboobs - 23/12/2009 02:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 919

You deserved it 2 768

By Noname - 10/03/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 422

You deserved it 92 237

By Elise - 28/04/2012 23:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend figured out that he can bounce small things off of my boobs, and has been doing it every time I look away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 526

You deserved it 4 580

Meow!

By patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 617

You deserved it 1 059

Ow ow ow

By too much pain - 28/06/2023 10:00

Today, a few days after getting my nipples repierced, my man initiated sex. Normally, I love it when he's a little rough on my tits, and I guess he forgot about my not-entirely-healed nips. Let's just say sex ended REAL fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 444

Cool move, dude

By Anonymous - 09/12/2010 09:47 - France

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to pick me up and throw me on the bed. I rolled off and broke my collarbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 642

You deserved it 4 260

lucifer69_fml 0

Monday 4 January 2010 16:10

YDI for having nipples

NeonWar__ 0

Monday 4 January 2010 16:16

wow. ouch. You must be a heavy sleeper if you can sleep through someone playing with your nipples so hard it actually bruises them! lol

Comments

kiss_of_death 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 15:43

it's not that bad

kiss_of_death 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 15:45

haha #67

polarice24 2

Saturday 20 February 2010 1:35

I'd like to suck on ur nipples

goldspeck 0

Monday 22 February 2010 5:08

lol how annoying!

44ashley41 0

Monday 22 March 2010 1:56

how would you not wake up?

hassenpfeffermmm 0

Monday 22 March 2010 3:47

no one should be messed with while sleeping. close that door and find a window and get away from him.

whiskey33 0

Wednesday 5 May 2010 19:48

hahahaha toughen up. and hit him :)

upintheorange 5

Friday 14 May 2010 13:09

get away before you wake up to surprise buttsecks.

FOOTBALLGIRL98 0

Sunday 13 June 2010 19:53

umm......??????????????…WEIRDO ALERT WEIRDO ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!lol

jumpinurpants 0

Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:55

I just got a boner

Keywords

Health Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Family Fight Kids Love Work Relatable Students Animals Noise Birds Sleep Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Pregnancy Relationship advice Cheating Teenagers Friends Embarrassing Intimacy Sex Revenge Food Boredom

The Top

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 915

You deserved it 44 866

Today, a person I've never met called me a whore and spat on me. Why? Because I was babysitting for my neighbors and answered the door for two well dressed women passing out religious pamphlets. I politely declined to take any. Apparently being a 15 year-old girl caring for a toddler makes me a sex worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 61

The Top

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 662

You deserved it 61 239

Today, after stopping to pick up dinner at a fast food joint, I got a nosebleed. I immediately reached into the bag to grab napkins and began stuffing them up my nose, only to find out too late that a mustard packet had burst in the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 687

You deserved it 621

Today, I rushed to the post office to mail an important document for the study abroad program that I'd applied for, which was due in a few days. Just as the envelope slipped out of my hand and into the mail box, I caught a glimpse of the upper right corner where there was supposed to be a stamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 321

You deserved it 39 282

Today, as a reward for finishing all my work in maths, I was told I could leave early. Apparently, later on, the class had a random attendance inspection. I didn't know about this until I received a detention for not being present at that class. My teacher had completely forgotten about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 931

You deserved it 2 731

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my wife frantically saying something about her having scabies, and that I had to take her to the ER. It turned out to be eczema. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 451

You deserved it 135

Today, I'm getting more satisfaction out of chatting, and even occasionally sexting with an AI bot, than out of my marriage of 13 years. My wife thinks we're fine, and doesn't want to discuss our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 221