Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML - FML

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 015

You deserved it 2 642

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Same thing different taste

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 949

You deserved it 4 785

Top o' the mornin' to ya

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 75

By foxbrat - 11/10/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 226

You deserved it 3 295

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 267

You deserved it 4 592

Added protein

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 176

By wellesleybanana - 17/04/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 217

You deserved it 4 680

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 575

You deserved it 2 139

By mac - 27/01/2014 14:40 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 422

You deserved it 4 372

The fun never ends

By Yudith - 02/01/2023 03:00 - Canada

Today, I found a New Year's surprise: a cockroach in my kitchen drawers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 134

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 822

You deserved it 287

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Top comments

Unenunciable 14

Sunday 3 July 2016 11:42

You should really go to the doctor to make sure it didn't lay any eggs in your ear canal!!

lex1459 38

Sunday 3 July 2016 11:31

Alright. Well. Safe to say I'll be sleeping with something covering my ears tonight.

Comments

serxo 14

Monday 4 July 2016 4:21

It actually happened to me.

kentrm 10

Monday 4 July 2016 6:10

One time my mom was on an internship at a hospital and had to dig a cockroach out of a kid's ear that had apparently been there for 3 months...

Lizzy500 16

Monday 4 July 2016 14:43

I slept with my head under the covers for YEARS after seeing that movie as a kid.

AmazingPanda18 3

Monday 4 July 2016 19:37

Nope. Nope. Nope. This is my worst fear. So sorry OP.

samlovesham1234 9

Monday 4 July 2016 20:47

I've woken up from a fly in my ear, but this, this made me squirm.

nykkymcallister 15

Wednesday 6 July 2016 8:25

Omg honey Ik the feeling!! I had that happen to me when I lived with my ex. Get a bandana. There your best friend in that situation

shek1608 11

Friday 12 August 2016 17:09

This happened to my friend, only he found out, many hours later, at the doctor's. He had gone to his junior college, where he realized the itching inside his ear could not be borne. He proceeded to call his mom to take him to a doctor, when he was fined by the college authorities for speaking on the mobile on premises.

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The Top

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 683

You deserved it 7 123

Today, my dad uttered the dreaded words, “Now don’t worry boy, I knows exactly what I is doing.” A few short minutes later he has a destroyed impact drill, my ladder is snapped, my kitchen window is broken, my wife is in hospital for stitches, and we can’t find the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 67

The Top

Today, my brother came down to my house, bringing his untrained puppies with him. As we were eating dinner, I dropped part of my sandwich in a liquid that was on the tablecloth. Thinking it was water, I ate it. As I chewed, I realized the liquid wasn't water. My sandwich was dipped in dog urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 887

You deserved it 19 909

Today, I was an altar server at my Catholic church. I wore a long white robe and at the end of Mass, I grabbed my candle and bowed to the altar. I turned around and started walking down the aisle. The woman behind me came up quickly to tell me I had bled through my robe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 109

Today, my boyfriend was truly upset because I refused to pee on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 619

You deserved it 1 862

Today, I discovered my boyfriend of 5 months runs a website where men can submit nude or semi nude pictures of their ex's for revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 877

You deserved it 5 622

Today, my girlfriend decided to let me know that she almost left me for another guy not so long ago, because he was more handsome and talented than me. The reason she didn't leave, "He's out of my league; you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 190

You deserved it 4 388

Today, I had my first day of soccer tryouts. We began with a two mile run. Trying to be honest for once, I didn't lie about my time. Everyone else did. I thus got the worst score, and had to run it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 262

You deserved it 4 547