Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML - FML

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 013

You deserved it 2 642

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Same thing different taste

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 949

You deserved it 4 785

Top o' the mornin' to ya

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 75

By foxbrat - 11/10/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 226

You deserved it 3 295

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 267

You deserved it 4 592

Added protein

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 175

By wellesleybanana - 17/04/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 215

You deserved it 4 680

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 574

You deserved it 2 139

By mac - 27/01/2014 14:40 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 422

You deserved it 4 372

The fun never ends

By Yudith - 02/01/2023 03:00 - Canada

Today, I found a New Year's surprise: a cockroach in my kitchen drawers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 134

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 820

You deserved it 287

Next

Top comments

Unenunciable 14

Sunday 3 July 2016 11:42

You should really go to the doctor to make sure it didn't lay any eggs in your ear canal!!

lex1459 38

Sunday 3 July 2016 11:31

Alright. Well. Safe to say I'll be sleeping with something covering my ears tonight.

Comments

Bookworm1315 13

Sunday 3 July 2016 16:04

This is my worst nightmare. I hate those nasty things. Maybe try sleeping with comfortable ear plugs

vegantreegirl 26

Sunday 3 July 2016 17:31

No! No! No! Time to burn the house down. =/ =/ =/

captainsmegma 12

Sunday 3 July 2016 18:29

Time for some light, make that heavy housekeeping.

CallMeACanadian 11

Sunday 3 July 2016 18:38

Better them what i read; i woke up with a cockroach in my rear!

SimplySaraya 9

Sunday 3 July 2016 19:24

If it was me I'd be pulling a Van Gogh...adios ear

species4872 19

Sunday 3 July 2016 20:07

Maybe it was there to get it's legs waxed...

Jeffame7 9

Sunday 3 July 2016 20:19

Ah shit! now u reminded me of the time I was stung on my ear by a wasp when I was a kid

manuwish 9

Sunday 3 July 2016 20:29

eeeeeeeewwww!!!OP that was the worst post I've read in a long time..poor OP ;(( Words can't even begin to describe how horrifying that sounds to me.

ishnation 11

Monday 4 July 2016 0:35

Look at the bright side, at least it wasn't someone's tongue...

Demon_of_Light 27

Tuesday 5 July 2016 22:46

Honestly, I might prefer someone's tongue. Someone's tongue can't get stuck in there and roam around freely (possibly laying eggs) until it gets medically removed.

brenton490 19

Monday 4 July 2016 2:46

time to sleep in an inflatable bubble so keeps them nasty roaches out and burn that ear...

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The Top

Today, I had to drive my grandmother to the emergency room. I periodically tried to call my parents but neither of them picked up, even when I called the house. We sat there for 6 hours and still no one took her to a room, and no response. Mom finally called back, only to tell me to get her a pack of cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 62

Today, I noticed fraudulent charges made in Florida that nearly drained my bank account. After reporting the fraud to the bank, I returned home from a weekend away to find a note from my husband. He and his mistress have run off to Florida to start a life together, apparently at my expense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 282

You deserved it 3 429

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 32 762

You deserved it 5 836

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I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 74

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 427

You deserved it 1 964

Today, I went shopping for a wedding dress at a fancy store. The proprietor took one look at me, said they don't have any dresses large enough for me, and asked me to leave. No wonder my self-confidence is in the gutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 335

You deserved it 8 100

Today, I've been suffering from unbearable headache, fever, agonizing body pain for more than ten days. I took a COVID test, an antibiotic tablets course, even a dengue test. Finally after spending my entire bank balance on tests and MRI, it was diagnosed as a migraine - which went away with a single tablet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 269

Today, after finishing the laundry, I took clothes out of the dryer and took a big whiff of their delicious clean scent. That was when I noticed that my mom was watching me, and I had just smelled my dad's still-stained underwear that was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 412

You deserved it 11 379