Today, I went to pick up a pizza with my kids for an easy dinner....

By Anonymous - 02/03/2019 14:00

Today, I went to pick up a pizza with my kids for an easy dinner. As soon as I opened my mouth to order, the 2-year-old in my arms vomited into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 348

You deserved it 250

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Same thing different taste

Nice try, Karen

By munchkin77 - 15/12/2021 20:01

Today, as a pizza delivery driver, I delivered to a customer with young kids. She gave the pizzas to one of her kids to take inside, where the kid dropped them and it went everywhere. She then rang the store and claimed that I'd dropped the pizzas, then told her to "suck it up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 77

By WolfieJL - 18/05/2014 07:51 - United States

Today, my two year old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 041

You deserved it 5 453

By brittsters - 04/09/2015 17:46 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 929

You deserved it 3 072

Fussy eater

By germaphobe - 19/08/2021 20:59 - United States

Today, my kids and I went to have dinner with a coworker. After everyone ate, the kids went to play while I helped clear the dishes. To my horror, instead of individually wrapping the kids leftovers, she scraped all the uneaten food back into the main pots. I wanted to puke on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 147

Chain reaction

By Anonymous - 31/08/2020 16:01 - United States - Nashville

Today, my 7-month-old spit up on the floor. My 3-year-old puts their hands in it, sniffed, and puked. Then sticks their hands in their own puke, sniffed, and puked again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 238

By Felinefine - 15/08/2016 19:33 - United Kingdom - South Petherton

Today, after changing and dressing my 6-month-old into his super cute brand new outfit, I saw the telltale sign of him about to vomit. Without thinking, I cup my hand under his mouth and catch it all. I had to sit there with a hand full of puke and nowhere to dump it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 903

You deserved it 2 495

By Dafawk - 19/06/2016 20:54

Today, I took my two-year-old out to dinner. During dinner, our son went to the bathroom three times. As we were getting ready to leave he kept saying he had to go potty. He had gone multiple times, so I thought he would be fine. As he stood up, a giant turd fell on the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 294

You deserved it 6 496

Who gave him that?

By Ewyucky - 21/06/2022 06:00 - Canada - Wilberforce

Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 868

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 04:16 - United States

Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 689

You deserved it 4 012

What's cooking?

By Hunter - 06/12/2010 06:17

Today, my five year-old son was sick with a stomach bug. He didn't want to leave my side, so I grabbed a bowl from the kitchen for him to puke into. The thing is, it was dark in the kitchen and I accidentally grabbed a strainer. My new outfit is now ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 739

You deserved it 33 854

Kaili McCoy 6

Sunday 3 March 2019 0:43

To be honest, I feel the worst for the store employee who had to witness that. It will be seared into their brains. I hope aren’t sympathy vomiters.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 2 March 2019 16:28

You have stank breath, too?

Comments

Dave_Davington 33

Saturday 2 March 2019 14:13

You went out to buy food and you received a free meal. Seems like a win to me.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 2 March 2019 16:28

You have stank breath, too?

Kaili McCoy 6

Sunday 3 March 2019 0:43

To be honest, I feel the worst for the store employee who had to witness that. It will be seared into their brains. I hope aren’t sympathy vomiters.

TarzanLordOfTheJungle 4

Sunday 3 March 2019 1:29

Since the child wants to act like a savage animal leave him/her in the wilderness to be raised by wild gorillas like Tarzan was

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