Work: Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her...

By EMT_Koulianos - 25/05/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 121

You deserved it 4 089

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Same thing different taste

By Whoopsie - 25/07/2018 05:00

Today, I had to call 911 and explain to the operator that my girlfriend orgasmed so hard she had a seizure and passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 345

You deserved it 579

By Anonymous - 28/10/2014 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 537

You deserved it 3 482

Easy mistake

By helper - 01/12/2009 06:15 - Costa Rica

Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 668

You deserved it 34 821

Timewaster

By HMM - 28/07/2010 11:42 - United States

Today, I received a call while at the dispatch station for the Naval hospital I work at. It was a woman having a panic attack. Apparently, she couldn't plug her vacuum in, and was more or less freaking out. I had to take her in anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 014

You deserved it 3 000

Wakey wakey

By sacked - 22/02/2010 19:51 - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 366

You deserved it 24 006

By ouch... - 03/03/2010 11:13 - United States

Today, while trying to pull a nail out of some wood with a crowbar in my theatre class, my girlfriend, who was holding down the wood with her foot, thought it would be funny to move her foot and make me lose my balance. Instead, the crowbar flew up and struck me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 160

You deserved it 3 406

By thedullard - 16/02/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 456

You deserved it 31 225

By mrWrong - 25/03/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 948

You deserved it 12 111

By EpicFailAtItsFinest - 13/04/2009 02:49 - United States

Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 504

You deserved it 19 518

By janedoe - 12/02/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 797

You deserved it 12 740

heyyou1203 0

Monday 25 May 2009 22:05

:-( sorry dude, you were doing a great deed and you got injured. I'd still give you a pat on the back though.

lowfiwhiteguy 0

Monday 25 May 2009 22:19

AICD's have been around for a long time. they work the same as the pads, sending massive wattage across your heart and will cause a convulsion in the limbs. go google it ffs.

Comments

ForShame 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:52

So did she make it? If so, this is funny and eff your life, I guess. If she died you're kind of a dick for posting this here.

were_giraffe 2

Tuesday 26 May 2009 3:23

I hope she survived. Sure getting grabbed like that sucks, but... if you saved a life, then you are a very very cool man.

kneegrow143 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 3:46

Congrats, you saved a fellow human beings life! That punch in the nuts is just karmas twisted way of letting you know you're in for something really good in the future.

LadyMedic 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 3:57

#57 - If it is an internal defib, ABSOLUTELY they should be doing CPR. Just because it's firing does NOT mean the person has a pulse. If a person doesn't have a pulse, that means they're clinically dead, and you should be doing CPR. The only time you don't do CPR and an EXTERNAL defib is involved is when the pads are on the patient, whoever is shocking says "clear", and you step away from the patient. Then immediately resume CPR withOUT checking a pulse. Those are the new AHA guidelines. So as an EMT or medic, there's no longer the three stacked shocks and check the rhythm. You very well could be doing CPR on someone with a pulse, and that is what AHA recommends. Refer to the algorithm #38 posted. Now to explain rhythms. The internal defib will fire when the heart is in two rhythms, Vfib and Vtach (there's also a rythym called Torsades, but let's take baby steps). Vtach looks like this VVVVVVVV, and it COULD have a pulse. Vfib looks like this VvVvvvVVvVVv and will NOT have a pulse. (Please don't critize my poor attempt to illustrate the rhythms! It's the best thing I could think of). Neither of these are life sustaining rhythms. And after you shock someone, they can come back into a VERY "ugly" rhythm that may or may not have a pulse. That is part in response to #64. In Vtach and Vfib, the heart isn't exactly "beating". It's more spasming.

mother_green7 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 4:00

score?

THTB 3

Tuesday 26 May 2009 4:13

Defibrillator...Wins! NUTSHOT-TALITY!

twindaddy 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 4:34

That's not one of the perks of the job??

bandgeek24601 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 4:35

thanks for working in a field that helps save lives! unfortunate that had to happen to you though.

shnibz101 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 5:41

Roflmao the same thing kinda happened to me today. I was playing catch with my friend with A football and he threw the ball a bit high so I jumped( I got springs, I can jump my own hight) So when I jumped to catch the ball I jumed to high and it hit me in the groin. He threw the ball as hard as he could. Dude that sucks. What happened to her? And did you think of this? Many she was faking so she could molest you!?!?!? But still dude you did a good thing and that's what u should be proud of forget that you got Molested!