Intimacy: Today, I was lying naked on my boyfriend's bed for the first... - FML

By someone - 17/09/2013 16:38 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, I was lying naked on my boyfriend's bed for the first time ever. He glanced at me, then started playing with a Rubik's cube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 585

You deserved it 6 917

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Kayt - 03/10/2011 04:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 479

You deserved it 4 649

So hot

By bonesniffer - 16/09/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 771

You deserved it 6 037

By left out wet - 22/06/2019 22:08

Spicy

Today, I was laying in bed completely naked, uncovered and waiting for my husband to walk in. He laid down in bed and starting playing with his phone instead of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 233

By chelle - 01/05/2009 17:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 867

You deserved it 15 672

Awkward

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to cuddle as we usually do. To prepare for this, the first thing I always do is dive into bed. This time, I felt something squishy under the covers, and screamed when I saw it was a Fleshlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 879

By goldie09 - 18/02/2010 17:36 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 781

You deserved it 5 223

Follow the script

By ufhdafuhds - 19/03/2009 23:31 - Egypt

Spicy

Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 332

You deserved it 14 484

By horny21 - 21/02/2010 08:19 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 503

You deserved it 4 030

By Wet dreamer - 17/01/2018 19:00

Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 916

You deserved it 765

Hidden secret

By anonymous - 01/10/2016 09:00 - Australia - Tennyson

Spicy

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 266

You deserved it 2 123

Next

Top comments

metalhead4740 14

Tuesday 17 September 2013 22:41

Well the man has his priorities straight...

GenaALazer 22

Tuesday 17 September 2013 22:41

He might have gotten nervous. Don't worry, it's probably just a one time thing.

Comments

noreallywhat 17

Tuesday 17 September 2013 23:35

Is his name Nick? I have literally had this happen before.

twinkiefeets 17

Tuesday 17 September 2013 23:38

Someone actually did that to you? I hope you dumped him.

The_9th_Doctor 18

Tuesday 17 September 2013 23:43

you know those things are easier to solve than women

ThaPrelude 11

Wednesday 18 September 2013 4:43

well said sir.

skinnybyotch 16

Tuesday 17 September 2013 23:51

Well is he a virgin? If so he's probably just nervous maybe you're the first women he's ever seen naked in real life

MrProbability 7

Tuesday 17 September 2013 23:56

least you can be sure.. when he does get around to it... wait what kind of man does that.. but yeah like I was saying hopefully he'll give you that much attention next time.. make sure you finish

CallMeMcFeelii 13

Wednesday 18 September 2013 0:04

Just like in Dude, Where's My Car! Is there also a 50 foot tall sexy female alien!? I'm now going out to buy a rubik's cube..

xThatOneWeirdGuy 18

Wednesday 18 September 2013 0:20

Hey, they're easier to figure out than women. *rimshot*

jrock9093 18

Wednesday 18 September 2013 0:21

Well a skilled game like that might master him in bed with you

kthsdm 12

Wednesday 18 September 2013 0:32

Poor dude was nervous.

TwistedCherub1 15

Wednesday 18 September 2013 0:35

To "ravage" is to do damage enough to leave something in ruin. To be "ravishing" is to be beautiful. I don't think most women want their man to get the urge to be strikingly beautiful upon seeing them naked. "Ravaging a lover" is a figure of speech. "Ravishing a lover" is not.

Shrike 23

Wednesday 18 September 2013 0:39

You're wrong. rav·ish /ˈraviSH/ Verb Seize and carry off (someone) by force. (of a man) Force (a woman or girl) to have sexual intercourse against her will. So not something you're likely to do to a LOVER, but it's still a verb with a dark meaning - not just a positive adjective. Why didn't you check your facts before lecturing this guy?

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The Top

Today, I had to spend at least 30 minutes, at 3 in the morning, shooting BBs at a mateless whip-poor-will to scare it off so I could sleep. It was making noise in a tree right outside my window. I feel for you my dude, but you're doing the equivalent of drunk texting an ex and crying into your beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 317

Today, my fat brother has nothing wrong with him. His blood pressure, cholesterol, and absolutely everything are perfectly normal, despite him being 10 stone overweight. I'm 12 stone and exercise regularly, yet I have 4 separate serious medical conditions, one of which might one day kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 193

The Top

Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 341

You deserved it 339

Today, like nearly every morning, I got yelled at by a relative because I got up late. Nearly every night, I lie in bed with anxiety attacks because of her daily insults. I get up late to avoid her, but she decided that I sleep great, which makes her angry. She also gets angry if I get up earlier than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 97

Today, I wanted my boyfriend to meet my parents. My mum introduced herself as, "I'm Petra. I'm completely normal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 007

You deserved it 2 077

Today, I accidentally left the handbrake off in my car, got out, locked it, and started walking away. Then I heard a loud noise and looked over my shoulder and the car was gone. Of course, it hit the only other car parked in the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 928

Today, I got break-up text. She called me a poor, broke, little dick, sorry excuse for a man and said that my mom should have swallowed me "as an egg". She also said that no one could ever want me. Thing is, I haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 059

You deserved it 447

Today, at work, a customer cried because the cake I made her was not "exactly" the same as the display. I'm the one who made the display and it was the same but the display cake had faded a bit, since it had been there for a month. I'd mentioned this to the customer when she placed the order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 546

You deserved it 2 216