Health: Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package...

By Anonymous - 07/01/2012 02:22 - United States

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 037

You deserved it 62 109

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By r1has - 12/06/2016 02:58 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 046

You deserved it 4 877

Pure evil

By Anonymous - 07/10/2016 20:22 - Switzerland

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 958

You deserved it 1 166

By firecrotch - 04/06/2010 05:36 - United States

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 805

You deserved it 35 429

By Anonymous - 04/01/2015 10:27 - Australia - Doncaster

Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 151

You deserved it 5 689

Let's cook

By Anonymous - 20/01/2022 08:01

Today, I may be permanently blind in one eye after my girlfriend squirted me with sauce during a playful food fight. She basically used the first bottle she could grab without looking, the extra spicy sauce I make myself that requires gloves, goggles and nose plugs while cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 529

By Coldsnap - 12/08/2011 17:25 - Sweden

Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 837

You deserved it 5 013

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 12:00

Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 254

Spice up your life!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to spice up my lunch by adding hot sauce to my sandwich. Little did I know, the hot sauce bottle had a faulty cap, and as I squeezed it, the entire contents shot directly into my eye. Now, not only is my lunch ruined, but I also look like I just auditioned for a role in a tear-jerker movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 104

By Anonymous - 06/09/2012 01:34 - Canada

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 926

You deserved it 2 879

By fiery - 24/07/2010 00:06 - United States

Today, I was reaching for something in the back of the refrigerator. The bottle of hot sauce that was in front of it fell and broke. Not only did the glass cut my feet up, but the hot sauce got in the fresh wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 020

You deserved it 4 592

dasteve 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:43

Chillies on your willy!

Agent36263626 4

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:42

At least you know where the burning is coming from...

Comments

Jibblets2367 7

Saturday 7 January 2012 19:07

That's hot.

senor_awesome 14

Saturday 7 January 2012 19:09

common sense dumbass. grow half a brain and use it.

Egao_fml 8

Saturday 7 January 2012 19:16

Lol, sorry OP; but you kind of deserved it ;o

someguy314159265 15

Saturday 7 January 2012 19:19

No, they should not have included that, because if someone is that stupid, they very well deserve every bit of pain they get from their actions. I wish there was a law against suing someone for your own stupidity.

macenzi1997 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 19:24

Why would u be touching your penis if ur cooking?............ Nasty.

bubo_fml 10

Saturday 7 January 2012 19:28

I knew a guy from Morocco who took a unique route to get some revenge on a bad date w/a prostitute. He put a few drops of hot chili sauce on his shank & did 1 stroke...When the Ho got that burning sensation, he offered her a French loaf for relief...(By the way, my other nick is "Pierre, les Baguette!")