Health: Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used...

By poisonivyretard - 04/06/2013 17:15 - United States - Narragansett

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 549

You deserved it 51 991

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

When you gotta go, you gotta go

By Amanda Howard - 15/03/2020 09:00

Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 500

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 298

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 08:39 - United Kingdom

Today, while using a portable restroom at the park, I discovered all too late that some very hostile and territorial hornets had made it their home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 360

You deserved it 1 738

By what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god - 05/04/2013 18:51 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 688

You deserved it 4 833

On the run

By broussimousse - 10/03/2009 20:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 062

You deserved it 32 617

By Kirta - 09/11/2009 15:18 - Canada

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 415

You deserved it 38 092

A bit too many Fall vibes

By ppppp - 26/10/2023 20:00

Today, I eagerly jumped into a pile of leaves, only to discover via the stench that the neighborhood cats have obviously been using it as their makeshift litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 396

IBS?

By Anonymous - 27/04/2023 06:00

Today, I went on a hike. About two miles into the five mile trail, my stomach started to bubble and I realized there were no bathrooms nearby. My only options were to literally shit my pants or shit in a bush. Well, I shit in the bush and had no tissue to wipe. I hate having stomach issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 141

By someone euthanize me - 16/01/2016 08:17

Today, I tested out my new paintball gun by firing a few rounds into some thick bushes. Nothing could've prepared me for the angry swarm of hornets whose nest I'd apparently shot. I'm in so much pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 873

You deserved it 8 032

By spiderwoman - 04/11/2012 17:12 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 723

You deserved it 13 564

team_cookies 11

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:20

I bet that's a pain in the ass

hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:20

always. bring. toilet. paper.

Comments

AnthonyWheeler15 24

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:23

I can't even imagine how much that must hurt, be strong it'll pass!

SoulAmeliorate 16

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:25

I bet you'll leaf the area now.

msworldwide 8

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:25

I'm wondering why you even were in that situation, unprepared..

ElatedEarthling 15

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:33

Sometimes I go out with my friends (wasted usually) and decide to go to random places late at night. This could happen to anybody else who does that.

lyssgross 16

Wednesday 5 June 2013 4:30

#24, that's just stupid. What happens if you get lost and your phone is dead from not being charged all night?

MacMonster 10

Wednesday 5 June 2013 5:01

First of all, #24, you're 19, you shouldn't be getting wasted. Second of all, you're a girl, if you were to pass out and be found by a not so friendly person you're screwed.

ElatedEarthling 15

Wednesday 5 June 2013 5:49

Thank you, internet stranger, for informing me of what I need to do. I shall live by your advice forever!

ElatedEarthling 15

Wednesday 5 June 2013 5:58

Also, 73, I don't believe you have the knowledge to tell me who I am. Just because I'm female doesn't mean I'm some weak defenseless girl who can be taken advantage of. I'm no idiot, I don't go out with strangers. Just to clarify, by wasted I meant high. Technically nobody is supposed to smoke weed, so my age shouldn't be a factor.

kimg0885 23

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:26

Don't feel so dumb op I live in the desert area of so cal ; poison ivy isn't something I would be able to identify. Lesson learned don't wipe with stuff you aren't sure about.

middlenamefrank 8

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:32

Leaves of three, let them be!

roachyroo 5

Wednesday 5 June 2013 0:33

Leaves of four smoke some more

Zebediabolical 39

Wednesday 5 June 2013 5:50

I'm kinda curious. What do you smoke that has four leaves? Please don't say pot.

DanqGirlxoxo 13

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:34

YDI for not being lady like. Sorry OP.

ManInTheMachine 19

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:37

Because needing to take a shit is abnormal behavior for a woman.

DanqGirlxoxo 13

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:40

Not the fact that she TOOK a shit , more the fact that it was in the woods without even being prepared. Should've known better. Lol everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Thank you for it :)

ManInTheMachine 19

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:47

Thank you for the clarification, as now that I actually see what you were trying to say, I agree. :) Yes, she definitely should've been prepared, as I imagine she knew full well where she would be and for how long. But for me anyway, that doesn't deem it "not lady-like"; Just being stupid and unprepared.

DanqGirlxoxo 13

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:53

Your right. I Should've been more specific.

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 4 June 2013 23:00

You can't always be prepared for everything... Lets say, its a gorgeous moonlit night. Your boyfriend suddenly looks you deep in the eyes... BF: honey, you're as beautiful as the moonlight. Lets go for a stroll. OP: Great. Let me just get some toilet paper just in case I need to take a dump. This is unlikely to be her response, yet at some point, she may need to take a dump.