Miscellaneous: Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke... - FML

By Strainer - 23/05/2015 04:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 553

You deserved it 5 990

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Same thing different taste

High tension

By Discipl - 28/10/2014 03:00 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 105

You deserved it 5 952

Too stupid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2020 01:00

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 2 263

How? Why?

By WetMorning - 05/11/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, my day started with me peeing in my own face. My eye still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 631

By Anonymous - 04/05/2011 18:05 - United States

Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 188

You deserved it 8 953

Blow it

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 01:59

Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 714

Leave it to the pros

By Anonymous - 05/11/2021 00:01 - United States - Epsom

Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 201

Headshot

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 14:01

Today, I was putting on my sweatpants and accidentally stepped on the elastic drawstring. I moved my foot. The string snapped upward with great speed and hit me in my open eye. My eyeball is not happy with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 101

By blanknameisblank - 09/06/2014 19:36 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a zit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 657

You deserved it 22 101

Like a true Marxist

By Anonymous - 29/12/2022 12:00 - Germany

Today, I’ve been feeling like I got something stuck in my eye for hours. Nope, just one of those tiny blood vessels swollen up to the point it chafes on my eyelid. The only way I’m not in pain is by looking exclusively toward the extreme left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 83

Precision flinging

By oh god why - 06/10/2019 00:01

Today, while I was changing my tampon, I somehow managed to fling period blood into my eye. I wish I was making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 246

Next

Top comments

Chrriis 20

Saturday 23 May 2015 23:58

How does one simply do that while taking a shit? What the ****.. Stop pushing so damn hard!

Welshite 39

Saturday 23 May 2015 23:58

Next time play Eye of the Tiger for extra motivation.

Comments

AviKerensky 17

Sunday 24 May 2015 1:14

Stewie Griffin would approve.

Theadyren 22

Sunday 24 May 2015 4:54

I was looking for this! :)

NinjaBoyDavido 13

Sunday 24 May 2015 1:41

How do you even...? I'm impressed.

howbout_thisone 13

Sunday 24 May 2015 1:41

Dude....

esamolwan 18

Sunday 24 May 2015 1:42

damn

Lars93 18

Sunday 24 May 2015 1:44

be glad it wasn't your ass, you would've put a tampon up your ass if it did.

Mellowyellow15 10

Sunday 24 May 2015 2:03

Sounds like you need some bran muffins.

PopcornTimes 14

Sunday 24 May 2015 2:12

The first thing I thought after reading this was "Holy Shit..."

Nessco 36

Sunday 24 May 2015 2:19

More fibre!. Take metamucil.

theseus51 1

Sunday 24 May 2015 2:27

I would recommend getting a squatty potty, it makes it so much easier. =) Like humans were meant to squat, if you look at the way our colon is designed. Search online if you don't believe me.

lishabear 21

Sunday 24 May 2015 4:53

Oh my gosh, i thought i was the only one! I have a squatty potty! :D

theseus51 1

Sunday 24 May 2015 22:57

Haha, it does seem that way right? I have introduced it to 3 of my friends, and they all love it. =)

worldclassrager 39

Sunday 24 May 2015 3:07

Maybe installing a bar wouldn't be that bad of an idea...

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The Top

Today, I had a long talk with my now ex-boyfriend. I explained why I'm not comfortable with him bringing up his new female coworker multiple times a day, talking with her about their kinks and fetishes, or possibly being around her outside of work. We've been together for nine years. He's only known her for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 116

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend of 2 years. I'd been involved in an accident that severely hurt my right leg. As a result, I couldn't work out and gained 35 pounds, also due to stress eating and some meds I’m taking. Apparently I’m no longer attractive and he can’t have people thinking he’s a “chubby chaser.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 127

The Top

Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 394

You deserved it 198

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 580

You deserved it 2 316

Today, after spending thousands of Euros flying back to my home country to pick up my expensive prescription medicine, I found out that I can buy it 200 meters from my current home, without prescription, and at a quarter of the price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 940

Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by his knob to have some fun. I tripped on the floor and used his knob to keep balance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 833

You deserved it 7 824

Today, I was involved in an intense argument with my dad. Just as I yelled, "You haven't done one thing for me", my phone rang. The same phone that, as of today, my dad no longer pays the bill for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 5 064

Today, my dad lied and said he was busy working, all because he didn't want to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 123