Money: Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist....

By waitingformyfoodstamps - 24/01/2009 10:50 - United States

Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 104

You deserved it 8 387

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Same thing different taste

By sam - 26/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I realized I sent over 2 dozen job applications with my dating profile word doc instead of my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 3 618

Slipped up

By hate my job - 24/09/2021 20:00

Today, I sent my resumé to a former coworker to get some pointers, except that I sent it to his old work email account and now my boss knows I’m looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 957

By mareecasellafml - 27/03/2015 09:51 - Australia - Belrose

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 424

You deserved it 4 245

By captainfail - 14/07/2009 15:27 - Germany

Today, I applied for my first job. I didn't know how to write a resume, so I copied and pasted one from someone else and reworked it. I got on the bus, handed it in, and left. Then I remembered I forgot to change the contact info and date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 625

You deserved it 74 976

By KayIsKiwi99 - 29/08/2016 19:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 378

You deserved it 16 198

By fuck you, tasha - 24/08/2014 21:50 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 262

You deserved it 8 633

By larsn - 03/06/2016 20:32 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I regret calling my hardass boss a cocksucking bastard when I quit a few months back. My new job just laid me off, and I could desperately use a good reference from the aforementioned cocksucking bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 890

You deserved it 20 197

By jellymoon14 - 28/07/2011 22:25 - United States

Today, after being recently laid off at work due to "cutbacks", I went job searching around town. During my drive, I cruised past my old workplace and saw a "now hiring" sign in their window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 859

You deserved it 4 045

By fuckel4 - 01/07/2016 20:12 - United States - El Dorado

Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 519

You deserved it 5 289

By Almostfunny - 16/03/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 353

You deserved it 52 228

DrewKolar 0

Monday 16 February 2009 11:25

The good news is that on Craigslist, that may actually get you some attention...

0___0 9

Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:38

you may get a job as a cocksucker :O

Comments

teethingtom 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 3:00

You sure he wasn't helping get a normal office job?

Spillinthembeans 0

Friday 6 February 2009 3:04

Well played sir, well played.

MCart_fml 0

Wednesday 11 February 2009 1:12

Bad breakup eh? I reserve my vote on whether it's your fault or not until I know if you cheated on your ex.

omg123 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 19:18

It is a good thing you are not with such a lowlife anymore.

DrewKolar 0

Monday 16 February 2009 11:25

The good news is that on Craigslist, that may actually get you some attention...

thewelshmetal 0

Monday 16 February 2009 20:52

so, any offers?

nhomerding 0

Tuesday 24 February 2009 8:53

deserved. I'm sure whatever you did to him was way worse!

genericnickname 0

Friday 27 February 2009 21:13

I think they're here for suggestions, #6. If it's not already too late, might I recommend immolation?

i_am_tiff_21 0

Sunday 1 March 2009 3:37

hahahahaha! At least you're trying.

FlickMyBean 0

Sunday 1 March 2009 3:41

Amazing. I hope you get a call.

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 84

Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 679

You deserved it 11 187

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 32 855

You deserved it 3 828

Today, I told my mom I'm severely allergic to my cat and that the doctor told me it would be best to get rid of the cat. Somewhat jokingly, I told her it was either me or the cat. She chose the cat. She was serious too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 449

You deserved it 5 604

Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 072

You deserved it 50 502

Today, I found out that when my mom says she's going to kick me in the head to wake me up for an important interview, she actually means it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 122

You deserved it 21 523

Today, my young stepdaughter decided that she should store her coins in my laptop's card reader slot and in the CD drive. I just bought the laptop last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 369

You deserved it 2 395

Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 218

You deserved it 733

Same thing different taste

Slipped up

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