Miscellaneous: Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant....

By rowie1311 - 27/03/2011 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 570

You deserved it 31 051

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Same thing different taste

By not picking up - 20/03/2015 17:50 - Slovenia - Zelimlje

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 436

You deserved it 2 608

By Random - 25/02/2016 22:09 - United States - Tuskegee

Today, my dad walked into my school and joked around saying that he's going to shoot my boyfriend. We all laughed. Except my boyfriend. He was sobbing in a corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 245

You deserved it 4 502

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 23:13 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 685

You deserved it 5 695

Happy days

By Anonymous - 08/08/2023 20:00

Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 1 047

Dream baby dream

By Anonymous - 19/05/2020 23:00

Today, I woke up to my father sobbing his eyes out in the kitchen. Apparently, I screamed, "DON'T TELL THEM I'M PREGNANT!" in my sleep last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 289

By Loho - 25/03/2009 02:46 - Canada

Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 892

You deserved it 104 969

Dad joke

By bookworm94 - 27/07/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, my immature dad said that I'm a girl, not a woman, so my witty response was, ''I have a period, so I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 824

You deserved it 16 734

Fight!

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 06:00

Today, my boyfriend has never gotten along with my dad, but this afternoon during what I thought was a completely normal conversation, he just stood up, yelled he couldn’t take my dad anymore, punched him in the nose, dumped me, and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 223

By psychic parents, how do they work? :( - 31/07/2013 22:49 - United States - Effingham

Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 697

You deserved it 47 490

By Anonymous - 19/09/2014 15:30 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 529

You deserved it 5 255

Entheatus 13

Sunday 27 March 2011 23:48

Your dad is a moron. FYL.

JockeyGirl 0

Sunday 27 March 2011 23:47

haha wtf

Comments

misstamz 0

Sunday 27 March 2011 23:53

Smash things first, think about the statement later lol

NineFishMffns_fml 0

Monday 28 March 2011 2:40

no kidding!

NoraT_fml 6

Monday 28 March 2011 5:10

agree lol

krispybacon4321 23

Wednesday 28 January 2015 22:33

Story of my life

mclovin1988 2

Sunday 27 March 2011 23:53

wow, your dad might just be retarded, hope you didn't turn out like him.

jess6blondie9 2

Sunday 27 March 2011 23:55

Ah! That's hilarious!

unhappybitch 8

Monday 28 March 2011 2:57

You are beautiful

ChantelRenaeee 0

Tuesday 29 March 2011 11:45

I was bored!! get over it! I felt like being mean so I was! argh!

Goose3 0

Sunday 27 March 2011 23:57

run hide ur dad crazy!!!!!!!!

TheUnhappyMouse 0

Monday 28 March 2011 2:10

Hide yo kids, Hide yo wife Epic song XD

cruforlife 5

Monday 28 March 2011 4:37

Omuhg 115 that just made my day XD

sarabraun8 7

Sunday 27 March 2011 23:57

dads.... they're just the darnest things...

heyheyhello 0

Monday 28 March 2011 4:04

you know it!

DaySetsFire 2

Sunday 27 March 2011 23:58

your dad sounds like a true man

Mr_X100 1

Sunday 27 March 2011 23:58

wow

CTVrhythmguitari 8

Monday 28 March 2011 0:00

lol that's hilarious, but also really ******* stupid xD

IIRoxieII 12

Monday 28 March 2011 0:01

....okay

zendaddy0 0

Monday 28 March 2011 0:02

smashing XD

EMT3713 14

Monday 28 March 2011 1:52

I see what you did there

Keywords

Awkward Motherhood Health Money Transportation Lonely Dentist Sadness Abuse Work Nepotism Relatable Ironic Parents Miscellaneous Birthday Food AITA Virginity Love Sex Intimacy OCD Mental health Housework Cute Cleaning Creepy Argument Kids

The Top

Today, I was supposed to be working from home. Instead, I ended up taking the kids out to the park for the morning, because my wife “couldn’t even” today. When we got home, she had demolished two bottles of wine, and was masturbating to a home improvement show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 981

You deserved it 310

Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 355

You deserved it 107 042

The Top

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 378

You deserved it 6 817

Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 993

You deserved it 28 757

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 866

You deserved it 19 234

Today, I saw my unemployed 29-year-old son, who still lives with us, reading the work section of the newspaper and prayed that he was looking for a job. He was looking for the comics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 299

You deserved it 13 404

Today, I passed by a cute girl who was staring intensely at me. When I glanced in her direction, she smiled. Taking this as a positive sign, I approached her. Before I could say anything, she handed me a flyer explaining the benefits of STD testing. Apparently, I look like I need it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 713

You deserved it 3 662

Today, I'm working for a company that makes over a million dollars a year, yet leaves me with no choice but to pee in a cup because they won't pay to fix the only toilet in the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 801

You deserved it 2 455