Health, Sex, Facebook, Social Media and Intimacy: Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I...

By DDD - 31/01/2009 15:04 - France

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 379

You deserved it 66 760

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By acw2110 - 20/02/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 684

You deserved it 12 032

By rindawg - 20/01/2009 03:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a nice seafood dinner where we had some great crab legs. Later tonight we drove down to the beach and started messing around. He started touching me... with his hands still covered in salty crab juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 097

You deserved it 7 128

By jimmy - 19/08/2011 21:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 163

You deserved it 4 528

By lice - 28/03/2009 13:34 - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125 390

You deserved it 13 998

Kinky Crab

By Robert Herrin - 14/08/2018 18:30

Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 2 104

No. Just… No.

By none - 22/08/2013 04:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 367

You deserved it 8 817

By screwed. - 03/02/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 411

You deserved it 45 596

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 12:08 - Australia

Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 172

You deserved it 7 764

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 358

You deserved it 342

Life's a beach

By Brittanyy_leigh - 17/12/2009 07:57 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 143

You deserved it 6 014

kracker9017 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 21:33

I heard stabbing them with a fork was the most effective approach

coolness_fml 0

Monday 16 March 2009 21:30

checking his messages isnt creepy stalker ex gf type shit

Comments

guitarheaven789 0

Saturday 2 April 2011 4:32

Lol ikr??

dennis96411 12

Monday 2 May 2011 4:17

"Sex", "random guy" Total YDI.

nikkiryan1216 0

Tuesday 3 May 2011 1:35

...there is so much wrong with this FML...sleep with a random guy? check his facebook while he's asleep? ydi

flighted 1

Friday 13 May 2011 2:57

ANY FML that starts with "after I had sex with a random guy/chick" is a YDI.

suffokate6 0

Tuesday 14 June 2011 7:35

****

magentaballoon15 8

Thursday 16 June 2011 1:21

YDI, *****

Lil_Red777 21

Tuesday 21 June 2011 23:00

I don't think anyone deserves an STD

music87 14

Monday 29 August 2011 20:04

You sooooo deserved this. Don't have sex with random strangers and you might not have had this kind problem.

tinypurplegiant 0

Friday 2 September 2011 8:09

Lmfao

justalilcrazy 3

Tuesday 13 September 2011 13:53

?? why are you looking at someones fb?? If its some random guy wtf do you even care? He was there for sex thats it, right? crabs is nothing to worry about besides a pain in the butt. Coulda been Herpes, then you coulda rememberd him forever.