Health, Sex, Facebook, Social Media and Intimacy: Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I...

By DDD - 31/01/2009 15:04 - France

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 379

You deserved it 66 760

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

By acw2110 - 20/02/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 684

You deserved it 12 032

By rindawg - 20/01/2009 03:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a nice seafood dinner where we had some great crab legs. Later tonight we drove down to the beach and started messing around. He started touching me... with his hands still covered in salty crab juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 097

You deserved it 7 128

By jimmy - 19/08/2011 21:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 163

You deserved it 4 528

By lice - 28/03/2009 13:34 - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125 390

You deserved it 13 998

Kinky Crab

By Robert Herrin - 14/08/2018 18:30

Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 2 104

No. Just… No.

By none - 22/08/2013 04:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 367

You deserved it 8 817

By screwed. - 03/02/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 411

You deserved it 45 597

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 12:08 - Australia

Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 172

You deserved it 7 764

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 358

You deserved it 342

Life's a beach

By Brittanyy_leigh - 17/12/2009 07:57 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 143

You deserved it 6 014

kracker9017 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 21:33

I heard stabbing them with a fork was the most effective approach

coolness_fml 0

Monday 16 March 2009 21:30

checking his messages isnt creepy stalker ex gf type shit

Comments

Bullshet 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 18:15

That's what you get when you have sex with random people. Crabs, or worse. Jeeze, don't they have sex ed over in France?

gowzer90 0

Wednesday 26 August 2009 17:38

hahahaha! And u thought it would be different? how? + u snooped u desrved a nasty shock

cmac86 23

Monday 14 September 2009 9:10

***** you deserve this one in so many ways.

sarasbackwitmeds 0

Sunday 4 October 2009 1:14

you deserve it for 2 reasons 1. your sleeping with a random guy (*****) 2. you went through his shit i hope you go get the crabs

lathblade 0

Thursday 22 October 2009 15:09

LMAO ****...

LaughAtLaugh 7

Monday 9 November 2009 17:51

ydi for going through a mans stuff, that is OUR stuff!! not yours!!

AtrumMessor 1

Sunday 29 November 2009 7:06

Of course he was worried about crabs. He just hooked up with the kind of girl who would sleep with "a random guy."

JubJub123_fml 0

Friday 18 December 2009 7:39

bet hd has gonorrhea too. to FACEBOOK!

terriibabiiix23 0

Tuesday 29 December 2009 5:20

YDI for sleeping with a random guy...what were you thinking, **** ?!

ServeRocks 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 7:00

let me hit that shortyyyyy

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The Top

Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 111

You deserved it 5 027

Today, after spotting my ex-boyfriend's truck in a desolate parking lot, I decided to "decorate" the muddy side of it with a rather large male appendage. After checking around me to make sure there were no witnesses, I got to work. I probably should have made sure he wasn't sitting in the truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 280

You deserved it 49 810

The Top

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's scared because her period is late, and that they're usually on time. Five hours late apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 54

Today, my mom grounded me for smoking cigarettes. I'm 13. I don't smoke. She said she smelled it on my clothes. I laughed and said I was in the basement, and used one of my dad's cig's to simulate a house on fire on my train layout. She didn't believe me. Honestly, I wouldn't believe that story either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 526

Today, I was interviewed by a WalMart employee for a position in their pharmacy. I didn't get the job. I was more qualified than the woman who gave me the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 324

Today, I was sitting in the lecture hall. A girl walked by to get to her seat and her dress got caught on the handles, lifting it up. She didn't notice but I did, so I tried to take it off the handles. She turned around to see me holding her dress up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 447

You deserved it 8 432

Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 247

You deserved it 31 949

Today, tired of everyone forgetting my birthday, I traveled half way around the world to spend my 40th at a five star resort just to try and make it special. The hotel brought me a cake with someone else's name on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 114

You deserved it 4 260