Intimacy: Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After...

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 17:37 - Germany - Naurath

Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began flirting, then grabbed my ass. She felt around a bit before freaking out and asking where my penis was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 656

You deserved it 6 148

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Same thing different taste

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 526

You deserved it 32 052

By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 276

You deserved it 6 378

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 441

You deserved it 9 837

By tigerbyrn - 30/05/2016 15:35 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 054

You deserved it 2 085

I did a sex

By Anonymous - 17/05/2021 05:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that last night after I got drunk, I passed out mid-pump while we were knocking boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 1 165

By ass slap - 11/08/2013 15:35 - United States - Broomall

Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 214

You deserved it 24 814

Surprise!

By dieold - 28/01/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriend's house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles, I slipped my hand into her sisters back pocket and squeeze her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out, and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 867

You deserved it 34 425

By arctic1 - 27/05/2009 09:45 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 320

You deserved it 68 678

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 16:27 - Serbia

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 781

You deserved it 5 451

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 010

You deserved it 45 584

whythankyou 19

Saturday 22 February 2014 1:49

She must have been utterly shocked when you turned around and showed her your tail.

kjack49044 18

Saturday 22 February 2014 1:48

Disregard #1. They don't seem to realize she was feeling your ass.

Comments

brandoneyez1 25

Sunday 23 February 2014 14:17

Did she find it?

ohSNAPyall 26

Sunday 23 February 2014 18:19

She sounds like she was playing dumb to try to be funny. *rolling my eyes*

qnmt 9

Wednesday 26 February 2014 12:18

I hope you answered "Honey, I left it at home!"

REAPEROFDC 7

Tuesday 4 March 2014 22:09

Lol

darkfireflame 15

Friday 7 March 2014 13:28

She sounds like a fun drunk.

bubblitious 2

Tuesday 11 March 2014 0:52

Words no man wants to hear.

Munchlax11 7

Wednesday 12 March 2014 9:41

So what?

amason5995 4

Friday 23 May 2014 1:32

im sorry but that's ******* hilarious, I love funny drunk people.

Rectov 10

Sunday 23 August 2015 6:40

That's actually really funny

Keywords

Health Poopoo peepee Food Love Geek Relationship advice Embarrassing Friends Work AITA Animals Kittens Cats Cute Miscellaneous Clothes Music Argument Awkward Client relations Annoying Family Relatable Jealousy My ex Allergies TMI Scary Weird Parents

The Top

Today, it's officially been a year since my grandma passed away. I still have the occasional dream where I go to her house and she's right there, waiting for me, after which I wake up sobbing because it will never happen again. I don't wanna be an adult anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 75

Today, my boyfriend invited me over for dinner for the first time. The place was full of his ex's stuff, books on the shelves, makeup in the bathroom, clothes in the closet and even shoes on the floor. Not to mention creepy plush toys staring at me. She left him 8 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 108

The Top

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me through Skype, with the message "my penis wants more, but my heart and mind don't want to hurt you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 415

You deserved it 4 318

Today, my 6-year-old daughter threw a tantrum in the middle of a store, all because I wouldn't buy her a pushup bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 461

You deserved it 7 174

Today, instead of canceling for the third consecutive time due to work-related reasons, my boyfriend sent his twin brother on our date. They both thought I wouldn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 927

You deserved it 2 078

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 271

You deserved it 379

Today, I was told I have kidney stones, kidney infections, and a bladder infection and that I have to get admitted into the hospital. I let my boss know, and she replied, "But you're still coming in for your shift tonight, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 309

You deserved it 125

Today, I saw what I thought was a gallon jug of water. Trying to do something spontaneous and fun, I took my hardest swing at it to see how far I could kick it. It was frozen solid. I broke my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 402

You deserved it 43 925

Same thing different taste

I did a sex

Surprise!

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