Health: Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with... - FML

By jazthefish - 12/07/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 801

You deserved it 71 716

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

By ven980 - 01/06/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 840

You deserved it 29 519

By Jared - 25/02/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 014

You deserved it 30 856

By E or - 13/07/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, I flew a toy airplane into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 890

You deserved it 40 213

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 085

You deserved it 40 020

Classy.

By pist off - 05/03/2018 19:00

Today, I felt rain on my face. I looked up and saw a man peeing off a hot air balloon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 016

You deserved it 309

By doggybag - 24/09/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 774

You deserved it 80 930

Cool moves

By littlegirl - 07/05/2011 04:46 - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 582

You deserved it 45 351

By Anonymous - 13/03/2011 22:26 - United States

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 758

You deserved it 73 886

Protein source

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 17:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, a gnat hit my forehead, fell into the space between my glasses and my face, and bounced off my eye while trying desperately to escape. When I tried to get my glasses off, it fell into my mask instead, and I accidentally inhaled it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 134

I'M SORRY!

By Anonymous - 25/08/2023 04:00

Today, I got back at my boyfriend for sticking the hoover nozzle in my mouth as a prank by doing the exact same thing to him. Unfortunately, it must have burst a blood vessel in his lip because it swelled right up and his entire lower jaw on the right side is just one massive bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 572

Next

Top comments

barbarajean 0

Monday 12 July 2010 23:23

Thats what you get for makin out with balloon boy. Damn pedo.

Hannalea_fml 0

Monday 12 July 2010 23:23

Someone needs a life.

Comments

Igor_g5 0

Monday 12 July 2010 23:46

You must really be desparate.

Xx_jESSii 3

Monday 12 July 2010 23:47

That's just sad...

antonman10 0

Monday 12 July 2010 23:48

lolol ydi

Ragnir 0

Monday 12 July 2010 23:49

Dang not even a balloon wants to give you a kiss lol.

Youwantwhatnow 0

Monday 12 July 2010 23:50

i love how everybody keeps giving tips. "should have used a stuffed animal", "why not use your pillow". sounds like a lot of experience in this subject.

mc013 0

Monday 12 July 2010 23:52

That's just weird. Why would you do something that stupid?

illmatic2 16

Monday 12 July 2010 23:53

39- You probably won't see this, but yes your not alone.

sk8rgirljj 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 0:00

u shouldn't have bit it. lolz

hahaiseeyou 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 0:05

well doesnt that just suck, should have practiced with a friend instead

illmatic2 16

Tuesday 13 July 2010 0:27

uhhhh practice making out with your friends?That's kinda awkward.

Anthrophobia 2

Tuesday 13 July 2010 1:01

It's awkward, but I'd take awkward over a balloon down my throat any day.

i_hate_garlic 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 0:07

so you still managed to post this on fml?

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Keywords

Embarrassing Awkward Cars Transportation Family Babysitter Kids Relatable Money Thief Health Mental health Depression Work Wanker Love Bodyshaming Annoying Vacation Students Parenting Intimacy AITA First Dates Singing Animals Cats Public freakouts Weddings Cops

The Top

Today, I was tempted into clicking a shady link with the promise of free MP3s of De La Soul’s first four albums, with all the original samples. Long story short, I had to do a system restore on my laptop. Now it won’t play audio files for some inexplicable reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 694

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest, ugliest man at the table looked me over then stared at my chest. He then started to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 229

You deserved it 6 619

The Top

Today, and for the past couple of months, I've been feeling really down. A few days ago, I met a girl from Germany, we made out, and I started reading her favorite book. I learned earlier today that she'd gone back to Germany and forgot to tell me. I’ve been waiting all day to see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 140

Today, Facebook notified me a "friend" had tagged me in one of his photos. It was a group photo of 20, but my face was the only one that was intentionally blocked out with an emoji because I "didn't belong in the group." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 354

You deserved it 588

Today, while I was taking my driver's test, my instructor received a text message. He promptly had a panic attack and screamed for me to pull over. It turned out his wife wanted a divorce. The last 15 minutes of my test consisted of him sobbing to himself as I drove back to the DMV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 971

You deserved it 2 018

Today, I spent $50 buying flea bombs so not only my dogs, but my son could relax a little in my home instead of fighting off those tiny little circus bastards. Today, I got in my car and the fleas attacked me mercilessly until I got to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 652

You deserved it 424

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 992

You deserved it 9 876

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going OK, until he started asking me if he should stick with the site until he finds the right person. I guess I know how he feels about me, at least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 650

You deserved it 2 907