Drunk and Work: Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5...

By Anonymous - 21/01/2015 05:34

Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 333

You deserved it 3 982

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/01/2013 00:26 - Iceland

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 433

You deserved it 15 597

By Sarri - 18/02/2014 02:13 - United States - Pembroke

Today, I worked up the courage to sing at an open mic night. I lost my cool halfway through because all I could hear was laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 406

You deserved it 5 407

By northernlass - 20/09/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 932

You deserved it 2 676

By sucker and suckatash/say don't spray - 17/07/2013 10:06 - United States - Pearl City

Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 982

You deserved it 6 685

By Anonymous - 04/03/2015 18:20 - United States

Today, I had my first concert and was really anxious about screwing up my performance. Good news: I played fine. Bad news: as I walked off the stage, I tripped over my own feet, face-planted the floor, and busted my nose open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 767

You deserved it 3 052

By Emcee - 05/06/2009 10:48 - Philippines

Today, it was graduation day, and the very first time I was hosting an event. When I got on stage, I stared at the audience for a good 5 seconds, then fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 635

You deserved it 6 168

RAWK N ROLL!!!

By stagedivefail - 19/08/2009 14:36 - Australia

Today, my band played its first real gig. It was going well, and I, the vocalist, thought it would be a good idea to stage dive. I underestimated the distance between the stage and the crowd and crashed into the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 865

You deserved it 59 686

Karaoke night

By helluvasinger - 12/11/2009 11:00 - South Africa

Today, I went to a karaoke bar that my girlfriend works at. I'm a halfway decent singer, so I picked out a song we both liked and decided to give it a go. Halfway through the song I sneezed, tripped, fell off the stage and knocked myself out in front of my girlfriend and fifty bar patrons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 197

You deserved it 5 477

Rock n roll star

By MarsMayFall - 12/09/2016 09:56 - United States

Today, I was performing for a fairly large crowd with my band. I decided it would look cool to stand on one of the speakers and sing from there. It did look pretty cool for a bit until I tried to step off and fell face-first on the floor mid-song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 852

You deserved it 6 699

By bandfuckup - 13/03/2017 00:00

Today, my band was playing its first serious gig. I was in the middle of a solo when a drunk guy tackled me, causing me to crash into the drums, breaking them and my guitar, hitting our drummer, knocking him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 969

You deserved it 348

Welshite 39

Wednesday 21 January 2015 19:38

I think he may of taken the knock-knock joke a tad too literally.

Exodiafinder687 58

Wednesday 21 January 2015 19:48

I bet the audience though that was the best punchline of the night.

Comments

Harold6858 9

Thursday 22 January 2015 4:27

You had a knockout performance

Swarmling 13

Thursday 22 January 2015 6:00

Don't quit your day job

Purple_Robin424 0

Thursday 22 January 2015 10:51

You know what they say about open mic. It sucks. I'll see myself out.

k_wrona 2

Thursday 22 January 2015 13:26

Happens to the best of them: Jim Jeffries was punched in the head while doing stand up :D

sousounator 19

Thursday 22 January 2015 14:34

I guess you're a horrible comedian

ke17189 21

Friday 11 September 2015 7:41

Just so you know, it did not get better.

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The Top

Today, I accidentally posted an extensive, negative review of the gynecologist I visited earlier this week. I messed up and posted it from my work's customer service email, so now it looks like the large, well-known company I work for had a poor gynecological experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 875

You deserved it 23 119

Today, I thought I'd take advantage of the lovely weather and sunbake topless in my grandmother's back yard. My grandma went up the street to do some shopping and didn’t tell me that men were coming to mow the lawn. I was laying on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 743

You deserved it 1 992

The Top

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 284

You deserved it 4 333

Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 812

You deserved it 4 855

Today, my parents are so in love with my ex, they still think it’s my fault she felt unloved enough to cheat with another man. They constantly try to convince me to take her back and become stepdad to the child she conceived with the guy she cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 767

You deserved it 111

Today, there was a big party at my workplace. The only person that was socializing with me in any way was my co-workers 4-year-old daughter. Before leaving, she drew smiley faces on plastic plates and napkins and gave them to me so I "will have some friends and not be all alone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 465

You deserved it 1 962

Today, my husband is going to a business trip where his female coworker, the one he says to "not worry about", yet acts totally lovestruck about, will be too. I saw him pack a box of condoms. He said, “Oops! They’re actually for us, I didn’t mean to pack them.” Honey, we haven’t used condoms in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 743

You deserved it 164

Today, my best friend texted me and told me she broke up with her boyfriend. Trying to be supportive, I sent a long message about how he never deserved her and that I was there for her if she needed someone to vent to. She replied, "Are you high?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 040

You deserved it 1 140

Same thing different taste

RAWK N ROLL!!!

Karaoke night

Rock n roll star

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