By adopted - 03/03/2014 15:55 - United States - New York

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML
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Top comments

thereal_BA 5

probably would have been better to tell her sooner....leaving it until later in life can cause major distrust!

337 14
weveallbeenthere 30

if she knew for 5 years she obviously didn't care much or she would have come to you sooner.

216 3

Comments

stargirl_95 24

YDI OP. You should have told her from the beginning. Studies have shown that it is FAR better for adopted children to know right from the beginning than for there to be a big revelation further down the line. There is no shame in being adopted so why keep it a secret?

11 5
Norvi 26

If the OP has biological children as well, this can create distrust or fights where one sibling tells another that they don't matter because they're adopted. (personal experience)

1 0
T1A2Z3 34

Then you teach the kids to say "At least our parents chose me. They're stuck with you."

0 0
conman531 23

I kinda hope the comments get closed. adoption is a very touchy subject and it's easy for people to get offended

2 4
jdlanam87 9

If someone gets offended over the conversation of adoption then they should just not ever get on the net because you are too easily offended.

4 2
awkward_gothlady 32

If she's old enough to have heard it from your sister 5 years ago, understood what it meant, and remembered it, it's way past time you told her. YDI for not telling her sooner.

6 1
GaGirlinMI 6

I am also the parent of an adopted child & struggle with when to tell him before someone in my family does. But he is only 4 so we use words like chosen & adopt so when we are ready to tell him he isn't completely confused. He already ask if he came out of my belly. So I just tell him he came out of a very special belly. I'm sure your daughter loves you no matter how long you waited to tell her or if you had even told her at all. You are mom. Remember that.

12 2
Sheh_fml 25

That's a really great strategy, actually. Most adults who were adopted says that they preferred knowing from an early age, instead of later as they often felt betrayed then.

5 1
WhisperSoflty 20

I love that you use the word "chosen"! My mom and uncle were both adopted, and my grandparents had this children's book called something along the lines of The Chosen Child or Our Chosen Child, and it really helped both of them understand the concept of adoption at a young age.

6 0
aneonmoose 11

That's tough. Though if she pretended not to know for five years then she loves you. :)

0 1
SJean88 7

At least she seemed to accept it and could continue on like normal. She must love you a great deal not to mention get knowledge to you.

0 0
epeeftw 16

I personally think there's no really good reason not to tell the kid right away. I mean if you wait until they're "old enough" to accept it you might end up with trust issues and at best a very awkward conversation. Why not say it right away?

2 1
Shade1982 20

Right away? You mean as when she is a baby? I don't think it works that way. There really is no 'right time', there will always be people who think it is too early or too late. The only thing you can really do is try to do it when both are in a good place so they can handle it.

2 0
T1A2Z3 34

As soon as they start asking questions tell them the truth. Like did I come out of your belly and you say no we wanted a baby so we went and got you. Your biological parents loved you but they couldn't keep you because... so we decided to raise you instead.

0 0
tehdarkness 21

Wonder how old the daughter is, but it sounds like she is old enough to have been told sooner.

0 0
rawlings123 17

If you tell her when she's younger it would be a hell of a lot better. If you treat it as a bad thing she going to think of it that way

0 0
SunTzuSamuel 7

You didn't tell her she was adopted before? What a bitch move

1 3
Shade1982 20

That really isn't up to you to decide when someone is ready to tell that. Your reaction is not only incredibly uninformed and stupid, it's also unnecessarily condescending...

0 0