The problem with that argument is this belief that finding out you're adopted is something that you need to be old enough for. It's not. Adopted children, no matter what age, will be able to handle the truth as long as it is given to them in an age appropriate way and there are plenty of resources to help parents do that. Even if OP's daughter wasn't mature enough to hear the full truth she still should have known the basics right from the beginning. There is no excuse.

There is an excuse if OP just felt it wasn't the right time to tell her daughter. There is nothing that requires OP to tell her daughter. Not every person takes it poorly when they are told at an older age. Obviously her daughter saw it as no big deal so it doesn't matter if OP told her now or 10 years ago. The FML is purposely for the fact that OP wasn't the one to be able to tell her

I completely disagree with "there is nothing that requires OP to tell her the truth". It would be incredibly selfish for any adoptive parent to not tell the child the truth. It is the child's story, not the parent's, and they have every right to it. How can a parent expect a child to tell the truth when they aren't even willing to be open and honest? When they're willing to deny their child from knowing their truth? Also, there is absolutely nothing shameful about being adopted and when you keep it a secret you imply that there is. I've seen the result of an adoption where the child found out at a later stage vs one where the child had always known and the one who had always known turned out much better. Plus, studies have repeatedly shown that it is much better to tell an adopted child from the beginning than to have a big revelation later on.

it's their child so it *is* their story too. if an adopted child is just the same as a biological child (no intent to be offensive. forgive me if I am) then there is no need to to tell the child at all. also, you can't really do a study with two subjects. that's like saying one child came from a divorced home, and acts out and is rebellious, one from a married home and is perfect. it doesn't work that way.

#47, I'm not saying I know exactly the circumstance. But it seems like waiting to tell is more for the mother's benefit, when she is ready, than when the daughter is ready. But that is not okay. It's the daughter's origins and history, and she deserves to know them. What she does later with the information, that is her choice.

My cousin found out she was adopted while arguing with her mother. Her mother accidentally blurted it out. She was 18 and on her way to college, but the emotional and psychological damage ****** her up so much she was unable to do that. Now she's married to some deadbeat and is dealing with drug problems. I wish I was making this up. Seriously, kids need to know sooner rather than later.

Not everybody who adopts a kid decides to tell them young. Some may choose to tell them when they're older.

Info on the birth parents can also help medically. Not only with genetic history but if they need bone marrow or transplants, i'm guessing that would be a good thing.

It really doesn't work that way, at least not over here. IUV's are done anonymously mostly, unless you handled sperm donors personally of course. The sperm bank handles the medical side and does the history and all that.

Disregard that last comment, I was thinking of something else entirely...