Miscellaneous: Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment....

By Kyokushin - 03/06/2009 14:15 - United States

Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 936

You deserved it 20 186

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/05/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises behind the front door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights… as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 548

You deserved it 2 316

By Suprise - 17/08/2013 04:38 - United States

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 077

You deserved it 8 932

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 049

You deserved it 5 407

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 978

You deserved it 7 499

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 119

You deserved it 15 177

By Anonymous - 02/03/2011 11:20 - United States

Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 572

You deserved it 6 325

Sneaky

By TasedAndDazed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 613

You deserved it 43 639

Get out

By Anonymous - 15/07/2022 00:00

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 124

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 628

You deserved it 32 841

Set the scene

By NJ. - 24/01/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend, with whom I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlocked the door to see that the place was a mess. She'd thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 217

You deserved it 2 441

honda1 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:05

That will teach her for throwing a suprise party. LOL

Audio828 2

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:02

Well I guess it was the sensible thing to do.

Comments

Zerooo_fml 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:01

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XYZzzzzzzz 0

Tuesday 16 March 2010 3:08

call the police. if they were theives, u would be dead if they had guns. u hit one, they will shootcha

JohnyF 0

Wednesday 14 April 2010 23:00

Lol I'd really prefer a intense fight with lifeless thugs than a boring party

chrisawol 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:02

Audio828 2

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:02

Well I guess it was the sensible thing to do.

0neiros 14

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:03

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coltonhaskin 0

Saturday 19 March 2011 2:14

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kitkat789 2

Tuesday 29 May 2012 4:34

No u won that

honda1 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:05

That will teach her for throwing a suprise party. LOL

omgsex 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:05

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Amanyyyyyy 29

Monday 5 May 2014 17:58

...What?

peeeacceandlovve 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:06

fyl...theey should learn how to makke it a surprise by not talkkkinnng duuhh hahhhahhhahha LOL

violentturtle 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 3:51

LOL. Who does that? Run in and hit what you can't see? People don't actually do that, do they?

qwertification 0

Thursday 18 February 2010 5:51

i would id b screaming DIE YOU DEMON!!!!! then grab a bat if i didnt recognize them yet and id b screaming that because itd be awesomeand this should b Today, i was throwing a surprise party for my BF. he ran in and broke my cheekbone.FML

ohreally123 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:07

I would be freaked out if I heard voices in my apartment. I'd probably just call 911 though..

24788 6

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:07

Why would you just charge in there? One knife/gun would have stopped you in 2 seconds you dolt. You clearly couldn't even see the suspect enough.

elizabethan13 0

Sunday 17 July 2011 9:49

nice pic!

stephan18 23

Thursday 11 October 2012 3:14

^ Nice description, I bet he's not on FML.. Hoe

Shinyminey 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:07

Well, you're not gonna go in, look at the the burglers and then take action, you want to suprise them. Also it's retaliation, first instinct of doing when you're suspecting something. Hopefully your girlfriend is okay.