Miscellaneous: Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment....

By Kyokushin - 03/06/2009 14:15 - United States

Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 936

You deserved it 20 186

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/05/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises behind the front door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights… as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 548

You deserved it 2 316

By Suprise - 17/08/2013 04:38 - United States

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 077

You deserved it 8 932

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 049

You deserved it 5 407

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 979

You deserved it 7 499

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 120

You deserved it 15 177

By Anonymous - 02/03/2011 11:20 - United States

Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 574

You deserved it 6 325

Sneaky

By TasedAndDazed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 615

You deserved it 43 643

Get out

By Anonymous - 15/07/2022 00:00

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 124

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 629

You deserved it 32 841

Set the scene

By NJ. - 24/01/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend, with whom I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlocked the door to see that the place was a mess. She'd thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 217

You deserved it 2 441

honda1 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:05

That will teach her for throwing a suprise party. LOL

Audio828 2

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:02

Well I guess it was the sensible thing to do.

Comments

jonnymohio 2

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:15

Correct thing to have done - Call 911, wait outside until they arrive, let them go in first. You could've been killed if there were thieves.

koala_king 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:16

Lol wat did u hit her with? Fire extinguisher? Suitcase? Kinda stupid if u went in unarmed.... Not relly an fml, more of a fhl

maksmom 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:18

Idiot!!! Why the hell would you just start hitting people??? Haven't u heard of thieves suing homeowners for injuries???

THEsuperMANLYman 10

Friday 15 February 2013 19:19

I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic

boarderking 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:18

Poor girl LOL

EvilTonyBlair 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:19

Do you have nothing to live for? Rushing into the unknown with little regard for your well-being.

thebigslim 13

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:19

Somehow I don't think birthday sex is coming your way this year.

Apone 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:19

YDI for thinking you're the one.

BabaBlackShirt 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:19

Her point of view would've made a much better FML. But still, kinda sad...

tmcollins345 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:20

Well if you thought there was someone in your apartment why would you go in alone?

seroose 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:20

90% of the comments on this one are stupid. fight or flight, it's instinct and he chose to fight. hope your girls face isn't too jacked up tho! lmao

Keywords

Embarrassing Awkward Cars Transportation Family Babysitter Kids Relatable Money Thief Health Mental health Depression Work Wanker Love Bodyshaming Annoying Vacation Students Parenting Intimacy AITA First Dates Singing Animals Cats Public freakouts Weddings Cops

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Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 98

Today, after work, I was saying goodbye to my last remaining friend I worked with because she was going to be leaving for college. My manager saw me talking and made me clock back in and work, because, "If you have time to talk, you have time to work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 642

You deserved it 1 249

The Top

Today, I was sitting under a tree at a park. The dirt felt a little damp, so I assumed it was dew from the night. A homeless man walks over and asks me to move, then starts to pee under the tree, followed by another man. I was sitting in their bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 936

You deserved it 4 674

Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 647

You deserved it 4 729

Today, I had to give presentation at work, for which I'd extensively prepared. However, as soon as I started speaking, I had a sudden panic attack and forgot everything I'd rehearsed. I stumbled through the presentation, feeling the embarrassment steadily grow in front of my colleagues. I almost passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 150

Today, my car was broken into, on the same night I stayed up late researching how to install my new car alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 096

You deserved it 3 430

Today, while hugging my sister's husband, I accidentally let out a "Mmm…" sound in front my whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 1 098

Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 096

You deserved it 3 552

Same thing different taste

It was an accident!

Sneaky

Get out

Set the scene

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