Miscellaneous: Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment....

By Kyokushin - 03/06/2009 14:15 - United States

Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 936

You deserved it 20 186

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/05/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises behind the front door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights… as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 548

You deserved it 2 316

By Suprise - 17/08/2013 04:38 - United States

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 077

You deserved it 8 932

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 049

You deserved it 5 407

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 979

You deserved it 7 499

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 120

You deserved it 15 177

By Anonymous - 02/03/2011 11:20 - United States

Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 574

You deserved it 6 325

Sneaky

By TasedAndDazed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 615

You deserved it 43 643

Get out

By Anonymous - 15/07/2022 00:00

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 124

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 629

You deserved it 32 841

Set the scene

By NJ. - 24/01/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend, with whom I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlocked the door to see that the place was a mess. She'd thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 217

You deserved it 2 441

honda1 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:05

That will teach her for throwing a suprise party. LOL

Audio828 2

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:02

Well I guess it was the sensible thing to do.

Comments

palmtrees 1

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:02

for those saying "oh, hope your girlfriend's okay!" - she's NOT okay, she has a broken cheekbone! Kind of a big deal, most likely will require surgery if it's at all displaced...

xtallanx 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:02

I broke her other cheek but with my ****

REDCRAYON 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:06

Ohhhh daaaaamn.. That sucks man...

volleyballgirl16 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:06

Did she break up with you

shaBAMalex 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:06

#82, you should just enjoy the FML instead of writing a frickin' essay. OP: Haha you're a dumbass, but it's instinct I guess so FYL.

rizzl4shizzl7 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:06

Ur a ******* retard

1nicent1 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:08

Lucky u didn't have a gun or knife.

volleyballgirl16 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:08

#81 do you not something else to do than write a 5 page essay on this fml?

tko 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:17

#94--hey, it wasn't meant as a derogatory thing, i just cannot see a straight man caring enough about an FML to write an essay... (oh, and btw, different pussy every night, thank you) (well, not EVERY night, but close enough)