Intimacy: Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on...

By girly girly - 26/05/2012 14:42 - United States - Keller

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 191

You deserved it 46 896

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 25/04/2010 10:00 - Australia

Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 716

You deserved it 44 548

By Lukey1028 - 14/07/2015 01:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 336

You deserved it 3 443

By number2 - 18/10/2011 01:14 - United States

Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 419

You deserved it 4 013

By Somessedup - 09/09/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 099

You deserved it 4 605

By Username - 18/02/2011 09:33

Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 018

You deserved it 44 913

By Anonymous - 17/03/2018 05:00

Today, while working at my dead-end call centre job that couldn't get any worse, I answered a call from a customer who was having loud sex. I still needed to sound professional and tell her when a product was released. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 690

You deserved it 421

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 09:39 - New Zealand

Today, my boss rang me for the 5th time on my day off. Frustrated I pushed 'ignore' and yelled a string of obscenities at my phone. Turns out I pushed 'talk'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 560

You deserved it 50 912

By Wallz99 - 19/04/2013 06:00 - Pakistan - Plot

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 359

You deserved it 23 347

By MissCan'tKeepAJob - 23/08/2011 16:18 - United States

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 116

You deserved it 57 533

I'm working over here, leave me alone!

By lifeguardfuckup - 14/02/2019 15:17 - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 914

You deserved it 8 514

Ilikeurfmls 13

Saturday 26 May 2012 19:56

Or you could've said "you squeeze it we freeze it".

zojieeu 6

Saturday 26 May 2012 19:54

You are screwed :D

Comments

rachelbayy 6

Sunday 27 May 2012 6:13

My science teacher answered the class phone with "Campbell's mortuary, you stab it. We bag it" it was the office. He got scolded.

cfire800 0

Sunday 27 May 2012 6:23

Ytdi, but that's ****** hilarious!

holdn2aces 1

Sunday 27 May 2012 6:25

If you get fired know that I will forever answer all calls from unknown numbers with this quote. So thank you.

nikolai3893 4

Sunday 27 May 2012 7:37

I thought it would be good idea when I read this. To bad my next call was from my mom..

joeychan 0

Sunday 27 May 2012 9:12

Great way to get a promotion man

CastielJ 6

Sunday 27 May 2012 10:46

Should of said you thought that it was the new company slogan.

shrdlu 28

Sunday 27 May 2012 11:13

LESSON: Never make or accept a bet that you can't afford to lose.

SomeAnonymousBro 4

Sunday 27 May 2012 14:31

Your ex-boss now?

santel_fml 8

Sunday 27 May 2012 15:26

Haha bam

babe7260 30

Sunday 27 May 2012 16:00

Why the hell would you do that while being at work? You totally deserve anything that you get!!

Keywords

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Today, and every time I try to talk to my mother about being a lesbian, she just says in the most condescending way, "Oh no you're not sweetie, it’s just a phase." The "phase" has lasted 17 years, including marrying my wife and adopting twin sons, but sure, it’s “just a phase.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 229

Today, my dad, who never supported us growing up, and who calls once a month to collect his monthly living expenses, gave me an ultimatum: either buy him a plane ticket so that he can come live with me forever (he's a raging alcoholic) OR to send him $4,500 US Dollars (which where he lives is someone's 6 month salary). FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 105

The Top

Today, my 9-year-old male cat has been trying to procreate with my 4-year-old female cat. Both are neutered, but every now and then, he randomly gets on top of her from behind, and bites her neck hard while she looks visibly uncomfortable. I've never heard of cats giving each other hickeys before. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 194

Today, at work, I found out that they are taking all bonus pay away, but giving us an extra $1 an hour due to Covid-19. Last week, they laid off half my department. Those people laid off are making more money on unemployment than I am now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 887

You deserved it 119

Today, while working at my call center, I took a phone call. The guy on the other line just yelled "FUCK YOU!" twice at the top of his lungs before hanging up on me. But of course, the phone agent is always at fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 148

Today, whilst I was in a corner deli getting snacks, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to drive the car 50m down the street so that I would be confused when I come out... She was picked up by a cop driving without her license and now my car is impounded for 28 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 114

You deserved it 3 371

Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 072

You deserved it 11 149

Ever get that sinking feeling?

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 204

Same thing different taste

I'm working over here, leave me alone!

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