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By chubbyreddevil / Tuesday 31 January 2012 06:12 / United States
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By  fmessiah  |  16

Should've knocked off work, jumped into your car and followed him home. Three weeks later sneak into his house during the dark, chilly hours of the morning. Put your handkerchief (dribbled with chloroform) over his mouth and nose to ensure he doesn't wake up. Tie his arms and legs to the bed. Strip him naked. Install a mirror over the bed. Cover his body with fake blood (1 part water, 3 parts corn syrup and food dye). Now the tricky bit. Take his nob and tuck it in under his arse and tape it up tightly(he is knocked out he won't wake and make sure you hide the tape with the fake blood). Install a tiny remote sending camera that will send his awakening to your phone, make sure it is very well hidden. Now sneak out of the house. If all has gone to plan, when he wakes up his nob will have pins and needles and feel completely not normal. As he opens his eyes and groggily looks he will see himself covered in blood. With the extremely weird feeling down below his eyes will immediately search the mirror for that area and find his penis missing, the area covered in blood and his arse will hurt (the tape pulling at his arse hairs). Enjoy the horror you have created and laugh quietly to yourself as you drive away to his screams for help.

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  XenaWP  |  6

This would aggravate me too!!! What if I only have a small number of items- too many to hold, too few to justify a cart. Its discrimination I tell you!! It is your RESPONSIBILITY to provide me with a basket.

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  mamamiaaa_fml  |  12

Well um isn't the customer always right? Just follow him/her/it around the store and hold their stuff.

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Be like skyrim: put a basket on their head!

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  cosmosis  |  12

6- shut the fuck up. Dont want a trolley? Dont want to carry your shopping? Stiff Shit!!!!! Make do with what they give you. Theyre not responsible to supply anything. Its there for convenience. You "agravate" me by posting shit all the time!

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  XenaWP  |  6

59- lolzzzz. I'm just pointing out that baskets have a valid place- usually when purchasing between 5-10 items (pending size, shape etc). No need to get your knickers in a knot. I personally think a shop should provide baskets for this occasion, and I'm expressing these thoughts in a comment. :) tough.

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  DrDilllonReese  |  12

68- if I have a small amount of items the cart won't reject them. It's still easier because I can push the cart rather than carry a basket. Carts>baskets and me>you. Just accept it.

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  imlifeless2  |  25

6- It's people like you who have an inflated sense of entitlement that cause problems like this. Not only should the man that threatened the OP be arrested for disturbing the peace, but he should be evicted from the store for threatening an employee! I'm ignoring the fact that if this man had an issue, he should have consulted the manager of the store, showing how little the man thought of his actions. Condolences, OP.

By  amyjadee  |  0

Find some damn carts!

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  fmessiah  |  16

You should've have clutched your chest and fallen to the floor convulsing, popping the blood red dye pack you hide in your cheek as you fall. When his eyes widen in shock at what he has caused, regrets his actions and his anger turns to anxiety and he leans over you to see if he can help rip his bloody nipples from his chest and watch the colour of his shirt slowly change to red.

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  n3rdzgotskillz  |  29

28 - NEXT TIME, I SHALL. I'll probably get fired for abusing a customer but hey - he started it! All's fair in love and war. Or in this case, spitting and nipple pulling.

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  fmessiah  |  16

A job is easy to replace, the memory that forever after that person will forever after have no nipples is a fair exchange for a couple of job interviews.

By  Alaric83  |  5

You are lucky he did not call the police. They would have dropped you in prison without even a trial. That is a major professional fault. You lack any kind of human compassion. Have you ever thought about how this poor man is going to feed his family if he can't have a shopping basket ?

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