Work: Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign...

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/06/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 319

You deserved it 2 563

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/06/2014 19:06 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 489

You deserved it 5 028

By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 16:38 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 994

You deserved it 3 592

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 07:42 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 412

You deserved it 5 056

Downhill

By loveinanelevator - 13/02/2012 12:03

Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 688

You deserved it 2 693

Bad sandwich, bad week

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 12:02 - Korea Republic of

Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 780

You deserved it 110

Bustin' my ass

By Anonymous - 07/10/2020 20:01

Today, I went in for an interview. While I was waiting to be called, I used the restroom. When I stood up to wipe, I slipped on the floor and fell ass first into the unflushed toilet. I was found an hour later, covered in my own shit and too injured to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 183

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 67

Nice.

By poururheartout - 27/07/2018 20:30

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 269

You deserved it 379

By broken finger - 18/07/2013 20:53 - United States

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 381

You deserved it 12 030

Healthy lifestyle tips

By middleagednurse - 04/10/2017 23:37

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 4 086

warped_executive 16

Saturday 27 June 2015 23:55

Practice makes perfect? xD

SuperWhoMarvLock 22

Saturday 27 June 2015 23:58

I think lying about it is way worse than owning up to it. It just makes you look stupider than you already look.

Comments

allyiscute1 22

Sunday 28 June 2015 5:18

Wow what do you even say to someone that comes in with something up their ass?.-.

RabbitOfAurora 28

Sunday 28 June 2015 8:34

It's actually far more common than you think, especially when people don't know you're meant to use specific anal toys with a flared base. So, you ask them what the object is, how long it's been there, if they're in any pain/discomfort and then get to the medical stuff.

sturschaedel 27

Sunday 28 June 2015 11:13

"OK, let's see about getting it out."

Matheo_fml 21

Sunday 28 June 2015 23:49

How about: "Bend over Mister, this will hurt a lot..."?

darthhera 11

Sunday 28 June 2015 5:39

Murphy's Law?

AndrewMoreira14 19

Sunday 28 June 2015 5:41

Oh my god I can't breathe this is too hilarious

fader48080 10

Sunday 28 June 2015 5:42

O can't speak to how one trips at such an angle, but everyone knows condoms keep phallic vegtables fresh. that's like straight up Martha Stewart stuff. Anyone wanna come over to my place for some salad?

myeviltwin 20

Sunday 28 June 2015 5:53

Hey cucumbers can be some pretty sneaky bastards :P

Ziggy122 15

Sunday 28 June 2015 5:58

People tend to forget that doctors and medical staff have SEEN SOME SHIT. They've seen everything from rashes in embarrassing places to gory car accidents. Getting help for your sexual experimentation gone wrong is no big deal until you try to make the "I fell on it" excuse. That's what really makes you look like an idiot.

manofletters 2

Sunday 28 June 2015 6:23

"Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

manofletters 2

Sunday 28 June 2015 6:26

And I thought being "gay" was a badge of honor these days, so to try and hide it????

RabbitOfAurora 28

Sunday 28 June 2015 8:28

#104, a male's prostate is in their anus and it can be compared to a ********. Just because a man enjoys this stimulation doesn't make him gay, what makes a guy gay is sexual attraction to another male.

idxntgiveafxck 17

Sunday 28 June 2015 7:02

That's embarrassing omg

nitrog100 21

Sunday 28 June 2015 7:07

These stories always remind me of this of episode of Scrubs. There was a montage of people saying, "I fell on it.", when asked how things got up their butt, and then the last guy just says, "I was bored."