Intimacy, Sex and Weird: Thanks, Burgess

Thanks, Burgess

By singingintherain - 01/07/2017 20:00

Today, ever since my boyfriend has seen A Clockwork Orange, he always suggests that we have sex by asking, "How about a little of the good old in-out-in-out?" and refers to his genitals as, "Yarbles". He seriously doesn't understand why this turns me off every time and our sex life has sunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 225

You deserved it 749

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Same thing different taste

By majorlyturnedoff - 21/08/2012 03:02 - United States

Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 323

You deserved it 3 338

By Anonymous - 28/02/2014 21:10 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 829

You deserved it 16 528

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 677

You deserved it 9 280

By bdw89 - 29/12/2016 18:42 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years still can't get it that dry humping me and saying, "But I'm horny" in a goofy voice isn't a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 284

You deserved it 1 014

Creepy

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 21:22 - Canada

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 044

You deserved it 50 891

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 289

You deserved it 2 748

Hang ups

By at least put on sexy underwear - 01/09/2023 20:00

Today, my girlfriend complained that we never have sex anymore. The only way she ever wants sex is missionary, with barely any foreplay. When I asked if we could spice things up and mentioned a few simple ideas, she said the conversation was making her uncomfortable and changed the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 113

By Anonymous - 23/07/2012 19:12 - United Kingdom

Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 317

You deserved it 5 371

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 03:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 290

You deserved it 10 505

It's all too much

By toomuchlove - 02/08/2010 23:32 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 703

You deserved it 27 245

FrozenYeti 6

Saturday 1 July 2017 20:03

so ******* tell him

Magnoxidans 19

Saturday 1 July 2017 20:04

I would say "Just because you don't understand why it turns me off, that doesn't make my feelings invalid" - though unless he's a complete moron, it sounds like he's intentionally baiting you :/

Comments

Ed Munson 14

Sunday 2 July 2017 5:35

And your husband is a 12 year-old movie buff?

Chad Silva 5

Sunday 2 July 2017 6:13

Good man, great movie!

rivenrock 14

Sunday 2 July 2017 15:33

He doesn't need to understand WHY it turns you off. He just needs to understand THAT it turns you off...and stop doing it!

Thereisnospork 4

Monday 3 July 2017 6:26

Good movie wasted on a moron...ugh

milksquad 11

Monday 3 July 2017 14:41

If you guys break up, can you send him my way?

checamuk 7

Monday 3 July 2017 21:28

He sounds like great fun! Love that film

Adeline90 10

Wednesday 5 July 2017 4:32

I would say you are dating an idiot...cut him off and if he complains, tell him that it is never ok to use rape as a hook-up line...if he doesn´t get it, dump his stupid ass...

Alexander Maxwell 7

Wednesday 12 July 2017 3:20

Too rmeiutkuuu

tccbitch 1

Wednesday 12 July 2017 23:48

I always refer to sex as the old in out in out. Not when I'm actually serious about it or when I'm having sex.... I mean, it's a great movie. Embrace it