Intimacy: Taste test

Taste test

By Anonymous - 25/01/2014 12:28 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 629

You deserved it 6 600

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Same thing different taste

By Firepussy911 - 14/06/2018 06:22

Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 894

You deserved it 512

Kinky

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 22:00

Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 527

By fuck no - 22/08/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 226

You deserved it 8 021

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 399

You deserved it 6 857

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 906

You deserved it 6 510

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 918

You deserved it 15 958

Milky milky

By Anonymous - 05/02/2022 21:59

Today, it's been one week since spicing things up with mine and my husband's sex life by involving whipped cream. We can now smell of out of date diary, no matter what soap products we use showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 779

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 278

You deserved it 4 727

By WasntWorthIt - 30/07/2014 17:04 - United States - Concord

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 732

You deserved it 5 873

By SG - 24/03/2012 12:14 - United States

Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 421

You deserved it 37 425

ChristianH39 30

Saturday 25 January 2014 16:23

Did he call you his little French fry?

Welshite 39

Saturday 25 January 2014 16:23

Don't forget the mustard!

Comments

Soundslikeothers 15

Saturday 25 January 2014 17:16

Did he put it on your buns

weveallbeenthere 30

Saturday 25 January 2014 17:34

I would have gone with chocolate syrup.

yerawizardlizzy 27

Saturday 25 January 2014 17:49

Could you not say no?

teyyoshi 19

Saturday 25 January 2014 17:57

comments are easy to laugh

jefrey 9

Saturday 25 January 2014 18:07

well, you put some jalapeños on his hot dog to spicy it up your sex life, see how he feel.

Xotoolyxo 16

Saturday 25 January 2014 18:22

You were like a giant French fry

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 25 January 2014 18:36

Get some fries or chicken wings...I don't think plain ketchup will be that great...

DarwinWillFixIt 11

Saturday 25 January 2014 18:43

At least it wasn't hot sauce!

Defecately 18

Saturday 25 January 2014 18:56

That's a sticky situation you're in there!

aliceablaze 16

Saturday 25 January 2014 19:03

well you know what they say, ketchup goes with everything..

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The Top

Today, I had a mental breakdown because I have a 10,000 word final project due on Monday and I have only 800 words written so far, because I have been working on other classes and trying to be outside with my friends in the nice weather this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 787

Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said, "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 521

You deserved it 12 734

The Top

Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work in a kids play area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 822

You deserved it 31 804

Today, my mom spelled my name with all lowercase letters. When I asked her why she wrote it like that, she got pissed and snapped back, "Capitals are for people who amount to something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 591

You deserved it 3 785

Today, at my ex's wedding, I had to listen to his joyful recounting of how he met his bride and how they fell instantly in love and he knew she was perfect for him. All this happened while we were still dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 877

You deserved it 9 979

Today, having played golf for 15 years, I had my first hole in one. I was playing by myself. There were no witnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 913

You deserved it 370

Today, I went to collect my clothes out of the dryer. Thinking it would be fun for my small dog, I brought her with me. I put her down and let her sniff around while I put my clean clothes in a basket. I turned around from putting more clothes in the dyer to catch her peeing in my clean clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 342

You deserved it 4 294

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 357

You deserved it 3 953