Painful and Health: Ouch - FML

Ouch

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I took out my ear cartilage piercing. With my comb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 498

You deserved it 10 310

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

The struggle

By lizi - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 038

You deserved it 823

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 01:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 428

You deserved it 2 179

New nickname just dropped

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Midland

Today, I was talking with a very attractive coworker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as The Moth Lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 774

You deserved it 1 043

This is a low

By Stella - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 354

You deserved it 28 771

Time to go wireless

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, while trying to open the packaging to my new headphones, I got startled by my cat suddenly meowing, and cut through the headphone wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 351

You deserved it 3 462

Smoking is so cool

By Burnt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 896

You deserved it 61 514

There's no justice

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 864

You deserved it 2 615

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 18:55 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 850

You deserved it 4 710

Hand me downs

By Marcipaud - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Detroit

Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 157

You deserved it 1 056

Puffy

By blow me - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Vermont

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 233

You deserved it 3 494

Next

Top comments

salmendoza9 0

Friday 17 December 2010 16:03

ouch!!!

perdix 29

Friday 17 December 2010 16:57

If my ass-hair were long, I wouldn't brush it -- I'd get it shaved or waxed off. Not so much for the vanity, but to combat the dingleberry plague. I guess I'd miss the cushioning when I sit down, though ;(

Comments

worldclassrager 39

Monday 7 July 2014 2:40

Use a brush?

Plastic_Stitchez 25

Tuesday 26 August 2014 7:01

Holy shit painful hope it heals without rejection

xxcaitlannxx 15

Monday 20 October 2014 19:39

I've been cringing so much at these fml's my psych teacher sent me to the nurse insisting something was wrong with me.

bleedingglitter 24

Saturday 21 February 2015 13:03

I am so glad this hasn't happened to me. I have 3 rings in my left ear and an industrial in my right. No matter how many times I warn/remind my hair stylist about them she always hits them with the comb.

Miss_Syntax 15

Friday 27 March 2015 5:04

Been there, done that. Piercings are such a pain.

desbuhbear 22

Sunday 19 July 2015 11:03

Idk about you but my piercer warned me about that shit when I got mine done. YDI. Be more careful

Keywords

Work Management Awkward Friends Miscellaneous Healthy Lifestyle Health Relatable Mother in law Gifts Birthday Family Money Public freakouts Education Parents Pranks Students Exams Weird Love AITA Argument Fear Insects Skincare Cats Job interview Jealousy Gross

The Top

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 140

You deserved it 12 374

Today, I realized my breasts look like sweat socks and my ass is sagging so much, it slaps the back of my legs. My neck has grown three chins, and I have put on 40 lbs. Yes, the golden years are here at last, and they can certainly kiss my ass. Happy 50th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 494

The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 313

You deserved it 12 684

Today, while trying to act sober in front of my parents when I got home, I threw up on my mom's shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 213

You deserved it 45 749

Today, a bee flew in my car so I swerved off the road and hit a mailbox. It was a metal keg filled with cement buried in the ground. Taking my father's advice I fled the scene. Later my mailman knocked on my door holding part of my bumper. He said "Excuse me, I think you hit my mailbox this morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 483

You deserved it 44 812

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 024

You deserved it 34 848

Today, my girlfriend has two speeds in bed: so slow that it’s just not exciting for me, or so hard and fast, I can’t physically keep up and it starts to hurt. We’ve discussed our different needs a bunch, but so we’ve had sex every night this week and I only orgasmed once, masturbating in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 236

Today, my cute coworker begged me to cover his shift tomorrow, and told me that he wanted to take me to dinner to make up for it. I was very excited because I've been crushing on him for a long time. I later overheard him tell his friend that he didn't plan on showing up for our dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 787

You deserved it 3 734