Intimacy: New moves - FML

New moves

By Glassjaw - 01/08/2009 07:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 133

You deserved it 7 994

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

I did a sex

By Anonymous - 17/05/2021 05:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me that last night after I got drunk, I passed out mid-pump while we were knocking boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 1 164

By dontpanic - 21/09/2009 19:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was getting up to leave and I, trying to be romantic, got up behind her and tried to swing her back down onto the bed and kiss her simultaneously, misjudged the distance and threw her into the wall, her head then bounced off the wall and into my forehead, spraining her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 493

You deserved it 26 940

By unfucked - 26/08/2012 23:18 - Australia - Mona Vale

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 967

You deserved it 13 749

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 979

You deserved it 7 499

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 600

You deserved it 88 940

Date grape

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 08:02 - United States - Staten Island

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 102

You deserved it 242

Waste moment

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 20:00

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 1 322

By Ouch - 25/04/2011 19:31 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 740

You deserved it 20 684

By douglisk1994 - 10/02/2009 00:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 185

You deserved it 20 244

By joe - 31/01/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 708

You deserved it 26 834

Next

Top comments

Darkon 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 16:08

Booby trapped?

FPsLife 5

Saturday 1 August 2009 16:25

And then she had her way with you?

Comments

pplrretards 0

Sunday 2 August 2009 5:41

i mean #15. 14 just said aww. which is kida lame. no offense. anyway. yeah #15 ILY cuz thats funny.

KillaKingPerrie 4

Sunday 2 August 2009 9:54

"Everyone has a plan until they get hit"

dickface_fml 0

Monday 3 August 2009 3:24

pussy

dickface_fml 0

Monday 3 August 2009 3:26

you are not funny

ReconExpert 0

Monday 3 August 2009 6:47

Roflcopter : #2 "Booby Trapped?"

hwkfan1 10

Tuesday 6 April 2010 8:19

tryin to get a little bit Tipsyyyyy tik tok on the clock how long till he wakes. up

bryttkneee 0

Sunday 18 July 2010 12:21

win on your gf's part.

cclive93 3

Thursday 28 June 2012 20:27

You must not have been that tipsy, then...

vikky538 28

Thursday 4 September 2014 23:29

some instant reflexes...

worldclassrager 39

Friday 5 September 2014 17:12

It looks like to me she can definitely put up a fight

Keywords

Work Management Awkward Miscellaneous Friends Healthy Lifestyle Health Relatable Mother in law Gifts Birthday Family Money Public freakouts Education Parents Pranks Students Exams Weird Love AITA Argument Fear Insects Skincare Cats Job interview Jealousy Gross

The Top

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 140

You deserved it 12 374

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 200

You deserved it 7 093

The Top

Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a thermometer from my sister's bathroom. I later found out that I actually used my sister's rectal thermometer. At least I don't have a fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 110

You deserved it 9 638

Today, I found out my dad has a 1-in-a-million disease that makes your liver process pain medication at twice the rate of a normal person. If that wasn't bad enough, he also tells me he hopes I don't have it too, because it can be passed down. He said this because I'm 29 weeks pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 179

You deserved it 3 214

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 059

You deserved it 12 473

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 669

You deserved it 4 448

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of a lot of people. Once I said yes, some guy yelled out, "SEX. SEX. SEX." My boyfriend yelled back, "LATER!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 000

You deserved it 6 823

Today, I got pissed after my boyfriend tried mansplaining breastfeeding to me. I’ve nursed two children of my own, stocked and sustained two big freezers full, and still had leftovers to donate to preemies. He tried saying pumping "doesn’t increase supply" and that I just “got lucky” making so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 164