Poopoo peepee and Love: My body hates me

My body hates me

By HappilyNeverAfter - 18/09/2014 03:14 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 835

You deserved it 5 272

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Same thing different taste

By fart - 27/11/2014 15:13 - United States - Houghton Lake

Today, I farted while asking a girl out to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 113

You deserved it 7 279

By sydneybourgeois - 13/08/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 510

You deserved it 16 142

Nervous

By amelie - 09/12/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. While getting down on one knee, he farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 720

You deserved it 713

By ECullen - 21/05/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 725

You deserved it 24 971

By Anonymous - 17/12/2012 00:58 - United States

Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 414

You deserved it 10 250

By Dramaqueenfornothing - 27/04/2016 22:32 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 345

You deserved it 2 811

By anonymous - 15/01/2012 05:58 - United States

Today, my crush grabbed my butt while I was walking up the stairs. In surprise I farted. He won't even look me in the eyes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 559

You deserved it 7 667

By killmenow - 03/12/2015 05:33 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 255

You deserved it 2 646

By Anonymous - 01/03/2018 19:30 - United States - Greenville

Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 036

You deserved it 1 735

The Sweet Smell of Success

By let ‘Er rip - 13/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 581

Chucks719 4

Thursday 18 September 2014 16:52

But did you say yes?

Lavelle1313 11

Thursday 18 September 2014 16:52

That blows

Comments

Skoozysoop 6

Friday 19 September 2014 5:14

It is always good to get the fart barrier over with. I always fart first.

hmrhoades 18

Friday 19 September 2014 6:08

Well that stinks! :( Sorry, OP!

jh921971 10

Friday 19 September 2014 12:15

Sounds like a match made in heaven!

Huddisher 10

Friday 19 September 2014 14:41

HA.

dvnmrgnob 6

Friday 19 September 2014 21:29

Throw that "movement" in a circle

daveburgif 8

Saturday 20 September 2014 15:04

I guess you blew him away ?

spacey_blueberry 18

Sunday 21 September 2014 6:47

Hey OP it's not nice to just blow him off like that! :P

WeskerxChris 12

Sunday 21 September 2014 18:53

Rather it be loud than silent but violent

muah97 12

Thursday 25 September 2014 4:17

Fire in the hole I'll say

JohnnyPoo 3

Saturday 27 September 2014 5:11

I would have taken that as a yes

Keywords

Management Work Jealousy Love Relatable Mental health Relationship advice Friends Miscellaneous Awkward Health Healthy Lifestyle Ironic Food Birthday Family Money Mother in law Gifts Parents Public freakouts Education Students Exams Pranks Weird Argument AITA Insects Fear

The Top

Today, I attended a family gathering where everyone was taking turns sharing exciting life updates. When it was my turn, I proudly announced that I'd finally mastered the art of adulting... only for my dad to pipe up with, "Makes a change from when you used to wank like a gibbon thinking we couldn't hear you up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 184

Today, after five years in a row of my family doing absolutely nothing to even acknowledge my birthday, I got train tickets to see my boyfriend for the weekend and celebrate with him. I woke up to six angry texts about how I'm "selfish" for not staying at home with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 386

You deserved it 2 416

The Top

Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding". This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 202

You deserved it 2 592

Today, I cried harder than I have in years. I was babysitting, and watching Pokémon to pass the time. It was the episode where Ash, Dawn, and Brock on the show went their separate ways, and may never be together again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 901

You deserved it 37 476

Today, we did icebreakers at a summer program. I'm really awkward but I got paired with a really nice guy. I noticed his right hand was very soft, so I joked, "Do you only moisturize one hand?" Then I understood. Then he understood that I understood. We're partners all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 505

You deserved it 878

Today, I discovered a purple BMX bike abandoned in my front yard. I wondered why it was there, until I looked over to discover that my own bike had been stolen. I guess they liked mine better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 658

You deserved it 1 130

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 952

You deserved it 7 250

Today, I found out just how close my boyfriend has been getting to our new neighbour's teenage son. I came home from work to find them on my bed and my "straight" boyfriend head down ass up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 137

You deserved it 432

My body hates me

Same thing different taste

Nervous

The Sweet Smell of Success

Top comments

Comments