Kids, School and Cops: Lock him up!

Lock him up!

By ffs - 15/10/2022 00:00

Today, my five-year-old son threatened to kill another kid at school. I told the teacher I would have a talk with my son about how that’s not okay. The teacher replied that I’d better call the cops in case he “follows through.” Did I mention the kid is five? FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 215

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/03/2013 01:13 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 194

You deserved it 18 840

What's your emergency?

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 23:00

Today, I found out that because I'm a cop, my 5-year-old son thinks the only way he can contact me is by calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 308

By life insurance for 1 - 30/05/2013 16:29 - United States - Encino

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 695

You deserved it 5 579

Stranger danger

By anniethemoth - 15/07/2022 16:00

Today, my five-year-old daughter is absolutely miserable and constantly putting herself down, as she has been for a week. What happened a week ago? She bumped into a stranger at Walmart, apologized, and the guy told her, “Nope, not good enough. You need to die.” Who says that to a child? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 108

Private freakouts

By Anonymous - 19/01/2022 23:02

Today, my son warned me that unless I get his older brother to stop picking on him, he’d do it himself. I didn’t take it seriously, until I got home from work to find he'd had beaten his brother unconscious. His justification was that he's warned me he’d "do it himself.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 2 578

By Anonymous - 01/10/2013 16:36 - United States - El Cajon

Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 750

You deserved it 3 626

By Anonymous - 11/05/2012 19:30 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 814

You deserved it 4 237

By Anonymous - 23/09/2015 15:48 - United States - Bedminster

Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 406

You deserved it 4 327

Vigilante

By Anonymous - 03/04/2023 22:00

Today, I got called to my son's school again because he punched a girl. Every time he gets in a fight, he justifies it by saying he only hits bullies he catches hurting other kids. His teachers even agree he only hits the bullies like that girl, but it’s becoming a huge problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 137

By nothowscienceworks - 13/11/2015 07:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had the mother of a five year old come in for parent teacher conferences. When I told her that her son was very smart, but he often made up fantastical stories about his home life, she burst into tears. She then ran out of my office crying, "I knew it! I knew he was a sociopath!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 940

You deserved it 1 730

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 15 October 2022 9:08

You ought to ask Lauren Boebert for advice on what kind of gun you should get your kid to really own the libs in kindergarten. Remember, life is only sacred before birth.

poopface82 18

Saturday 15 October 2022 0:53

Wow, back in my day kids didn’t start killing until they were at least ten. What happened to this country?

Comments

poopface82 18

Saturday 15 October 2022 0:53

Wow, back in my day kids didn’t start killing until they were at least ten. What happened to this country?

IHaveThePower 16

Saturday 15 October 2022 1:25

You can get exemptions to switch him to other schools, and whoever's in charge of it will probably be very understanding when you explain you'd like him taught by people who have more than two brain cells to rub together at once.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 15 October 2022 9:08

You ought to ask Lauren Boebert for advice on what kind of gun you should get your kid to really own the libs in kindergarten. Remember, life is only sacred before birth.

tiptoppc 19

Saturday 15 October 2022 23:40

And pin a fiver on the ones that make it out of the canal, send them on their way and wish them good luck! Although it’s likely we’ll have nuclear war before that kid can even act on the threat and the problem will be gone for everyone.