Embarrassing, Dogs, Awkward and Animals: It's not what you think… - FML

It's not what you think…

By sucks - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserts dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said, "How do you like that?" Then my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 931

You deserved it 158 970

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

MURPHYCHACHO 5

Monday 18 May 2009 9:49

What. The. Hell. Are. You. Smoking?

fueledbyamy 0

Monday 18 May 2009 9:51

thats so wrong, but so ******* hilarious at the same time!

Comments

omg009 0

Monday 18 May 2009 19:39

Why would you ever EVER hump your dog

laleona 0

Monday 18 May 2009 19:43

ajahahhadfhahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahaAHAHAHAHa why would you feel the need to assert your dominance over an animal? you already have it.. being that its an animal and you're a HUMAN wow.

0 3

Monday 18 May 2009 19:43

Is that the story you fed your mom? The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

dengman 0

Monday 18 May 2009 19:53

ahahahahahahahahahaha nasty dude lol

Sucks2beYouxD 0

Monday 18 May 2009 20:17

You've got nothing else to do at that moment, I guess?

compasseagle89 8

Monday 18 May 2009 20:17

@#69: you're very wrong about the whole neutering bit. my dog has been neutered his entire life and at 13, he STILL tries every once in awhile with one of my other dogs (also neutered her whole life, is now 10). even after neutering, dogs still have hormones. they just cant do anything about them.

jewel5 0

Monday 18 May 2009 19:59

This is one of the best FMLs I've ever read, if not the best. Thank you so much. xD

shadow_child 0

Monday 18 May 2009 20:18

LOL Funniest thing I've read on FML today.

idreamofpeace 0

Monday 18 May 2009 20:21

What the heck were you thinking?! YDI.

Heathersaur 0

Monday 18 May 2009 20:21

That's discusting.

12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21

Keywords

Anxiety Sex Intimacy Health Work Embarrassing Transportation Cars Love AITA Jealousy Family Vacation Awkward Miscellaneous Cute Language Students Education Kids Parents First Dates Poopoo peepee Fire Money Food Capitalism Clothes Thief Birthday

The Top

Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 785

You deserved it 19 845

Today, my boss threw me out of her office during a conference call for daring to correct her. The client fired the company because she subsequently got all the information on the call wrong, and plainly had no idea what was going on. From all the screaming, this is now all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 036

You deserved it 902

The Top

Today, my landlord came to my apartment because of complaints from my neighbors, saying that animals are not allowed inside. Turns out my roommate makes cat-noises when she's bored. My landlord still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 201

You deserved it 2 356

Today, my sister bought my five year old son a giant ant farm for his birthday. We set it in the living room on a table. I went into the kitchen for a minute, and when I walked back in to the living room, my son was holding the empty case over his head, smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 165

You deserved it 7 963

Today, I was about to get on stage for a choir concert, and realized I had no where to put my phone. Running out of time, I tucked it in the front of my dress and got on stage. I should have put it on silent first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 433

You deserved it 34 220

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 763

You deserved it 3 359

Today, I tried contacting my doctor about the “side effect free" medication and diet he'd prescribed for my health issues. I've been sleeping 14 hours a night with naps in between since starting it. I have a full time course load plus work and I can't stay awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 789

You deserved it 259

Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend is physically affectionate with me is when he wants to have sex. When I suggested we just cuddle, he looked at me and said, "What’s the point in that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 079

You deserved it 345