Intimacy: Get where you can! - FML

Get where you can!

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 02:14 - United States - Richmond

Spicy

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 422

You deserved it 9 773

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Same thing different taste

Stiff

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 05:02

Spicy

Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 219

You deserved it 466

By sex deprived - 16/06/2013 05:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got more pleasure from scratching a bug bite than I've gotten from my boyfriend in 2 whole years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 219

You deserved it 11 640

AAaaaaaah!

By Anonymous - 23/02/2023 16:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, I finally got to see my girlfriend's mouth open with pleasure… while she was scratching a bug bite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 720

By callie - 18/06/2011 06:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 947

You deserved it 6 641

By kaylajere - 26/05/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 166

You deserved it 36 790

By awkardtaco - 28/09/2018 13:30

Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 621

You deserved it 233

Hey Scratchy!

By Anonymous - 03/09/2019 18:00

Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 498

You deserved it 174

By pissed off - 17/05/2014 00:33 - United States - Brentwood

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 705

You deserved it 14 964

You've got a friend

By no one - 21/05/2011 09:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 623

You deserved it 11 399

By sprainedankle - 17/05/2013 20:49 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. I slipped a ruler into it and started scratching to relieve the itch. Part of the ruler ended up snapping off inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 629

You deserved it 15 720

Next

Top comments

rhysfucker 24

Tuesday 10 June 2014 12:27

Where did it bite you and how long did you scratch?

tygerarmy 35

Tuesday 10 June 2014 12:28

That mosquito really got your blood flowing.

Comments

PearceIsFallen 6

Wednesday 11 June 2014 20:17

OP, if I may offer you some advice, either find someone to take care of it for you, or do it yourself.

thehieser 4

Sunday 15 June 2014 1:43

U have fingers. Use them

bennysmom514 1

Sunday 15 June 2014 4:41

I feel like it isn't all about your poor sex life. I had poison ivy once and in the hot water of the shower I had similar feelings Lol . just pleasure centers of the body I suppose...

Chibi_Kitten 24

Saturday 21 June 2014 22:00

The heck was this bite?! On the bright side, you found that you are capable of having an ******.

15751 7

Monday 30 June 2014 10:44

Ahah is that even possible?

Kristen320 21

Monday 28 March 2016 1:01

That bump isn't a mosquito bite...

Keywords

Work Management Awkward Friends Miscellaneous Healthy Lifestyle Health Relatable Mother in law Gifts Birthday Family Money Public freakouts Education Parents Pranks Students Exams Weird Love AITA Argument Fear Insects Skincare Cats Job interview Jealousy Gross

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Today, I was rudely stopped in the park by a woman screaming at me for being a slut for having a baby so young. She got so worked up that she started swearing. Not only was I just babysitting for a friend, I am unable to get the toddler to stop swearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 965

You deserved it 3 122

Today, I had to call a customer. I usually try to avoid calling customers because I have a very prominent speech impediment. Well, it turns out the customer I called also has a speech impediment and thought I was mocking her. She hung up on me and filed a formal complaint with my company. FML

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You deserved it 624

The Top

Today, I accepted a great job offer I've been working months to earn so I can continue to live with my fiancé here in Poland. I just found out that my work visa was denied. Now I have to fly home to Canada and reapply before coming back. This takes a month. My new job starts tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 940

You deserved it 3 536

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I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 120

Today, I found out my boyfriend has to picture someone else when we have sex. The most recent: my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 423

You deserved it 353

Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of things. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 013

You deserved it 51 353